I feel pathetic, ashamed. My life is one long stream of unfortunate events with a few thousand awkward moments interspersed in between each day. I'm torn between killing myself and killing everyone else around me. Everything else is just killing time. Everything I do is just waiting. Waiting for the weekend, waiting until I graduate high school and then waiting again to graduate college just to wait for my death. I don't want to wait anymore, I don't want to just exist, I want to change something in this world I want to do something, anything to make my name, my story heard, to help someone, to save someone from the same agony I feel each and every moment. I want to be different from everyone else, I want to be unique , but the sad depressing truth about life is, in the end, when we are all buried 6 feet under ground or spread out on a beach god knows where, we are all the exact same.
loserlol loserlol
18-21, F
4 Responses Nov 13, 2012

Something I have done and it seems simple, but pick one thing as small as it may be and do it. Pick something that doesn't involve anyone else so that you can do it at your own pace. Maybe run a mile or if you're better than that run a marathon. Take a class. It won't happen over night but you start to see the ability to change things in you life and it becomes easier. And you are exactly right the only security we have is when we're 6 feet under, so realize doing these things you have no security and you might lose a few, but I know you'll win a few.

Well i have general the same experience with my life. It seems all down hill i ruin everything, and hurt all the people i love and want around me. You need to find purpose in your life. The God of the Bible is the only place you will find that. Without purpose there is no point in letting yourself go on in misery and hurt. The pleasers of this world at their best never satisfy. You need the real and true God to believe in. I am not trying to preach at you but help. I call myself a Christian but i have tried to kill myself before. If not for a friend that saved me i would have. Even all the good 'holy' thing you can do in life will not give you purpose. Hope is found in the saver of the world. I have a faith in Jesus Christ and still I struggle every day with my life. If you have given up on life then you have realized how worthless this life is without something to fill. Jesus is worth you believing in. If nothing else it is better to try what you might think as stupid than to end your life.Hope i can help a fellow human being in pain!! If you do listen to what i have said, don't expect thing to be made perfect for you immediately. =)

Faith in god won't change how I feel, he can't fix a mental disorder and his power isn't as almighty to me as to you, but thank you

Well from the looks of it, your an intelligent person for sure. Well all i can tell you is that your the only person that can change your world and others, your a very caring and compassionate person which i think makes you very unique there's very little good people in this world I'm afraid

The only way to stop waiting, is start doing. Too much contemplation and no action can kill you. Push yourself- No one else will. I can relate to your story.