The pain of social isolation, of separateness and disharmony, that's how my life has been since I was 10. Sometimes I think that nobody knows what its like to be in mental and spiritual pain for such a long time, but you would be in pain too if you had my early life experiences, or lack thereof. Certain events sent me off into a downward spiral of complete self imposed isolation and a general fear and distrust of other people. Sometimes I think I brought it upon myself, but given the factors that started it and my young age at the time can you blame me? I never had any real support when I was younger. I'm in my early 20's now and I'm still stuck in the mental hell hole that I got into when I was younger. I still have no friends and sometimes I don't see or talk to anyone all day. I just want to connect and to feel harmony with other people. I know you might be thinking "dude, shut the **** up stop feeling sorry for yourself and just get up and go get a life", that's a very typical response I hear people say, but it's just not that easy and people that have been through it know. The cycle of low self esteem and awkwardness, especially starting from a young age makes it very difficult to get out of this condition, to be honest, I simply don't have the mental leverage to do it. I'm starving for connection, for unity and harmony... What is the lesson to be learned of all of this suffering? It eludes me, but it shall come to me at last.