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My Weird Friend Is Normal Now

I have one friend that I was once very close with. I love her dearly, I always will. We shared everything for a couple of decades. At one point in our lives, we were closer than our next heart beats. Now, on the rare occasion that I pass her on the street, (for the coffee chats, phone calls and emails ceased a while back) she tells me that she is as "spiritual as cardboard" and I am sad about this. What do you say to a statement like this? We were once spiritual explorers together, we were adventurers, we could talk all night long (and did) about all things unseen, all things hoped for, all things dreamed of, all things ethereal and esoteric.We were weird together, and we celebrated this fact.
Our minds were wide open and our souls were hungry and eager, we shared an oddly sacred kind of merry magick with one another.

Now, we stand at an end cap in Wal-Mart and chat for ten pleasant, poignant minutes. I feel her discomfort, her busy-ness, her need to pull out of my eyes, and get back to HER normal world and away from me. She won't connect, she won't be weird with me anymore. I grief long and hard after each one of these soul-less encounters. We were the oddest two human females in the county (together) for so long...she was the only woman I knew that was more weird than I, and she was far more interesting than I....she made me think hard, she made me consider more than what I could see and feel. She inspired me like no one else. I loved her for that reason.
Where did she go? We had no argument, no parting of the ways, not even a mild disagreement, not even a waning of shared interests that I can mark with time. Our lives simply began to become untangled. To lose a shared weirdness has been a wounding loss of inspiration for me, and this parting leaves me feeling deserted and confused.
hillbillycrone hillbillycrone 51-55, F 7 Responses Jan 6, 2012

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Thank you for your comments ksparrow, It is only human to be hurt by rejection and abandonment, and honestly, we have probably all been guilty of it. It hurts from this end though! I honestly think this woman is overwhelmed with her life right now, things like debt, work, parental health issues and obligations that she did not have back when we were very close. She isn't living in a very magickal place right right now, her life is pretty demanding, she has told me as much. I just tend to take this as rejection, perhaps I am being too sensitive and giving her power that she did not ask for...I suspect that I am just a reminder of things she doesn't have time to think about now.

I have had this 'parting of the ways' with a friend. No row or anything, I think we just grew apart . It hurt a lot and still niggles but last time we met it was not the same, the chemistry had changed.

That is exactly how it is.....sort of sad.....but, such is life. Thanks Tas ;-)

You mentioned being sensitive.... I've just been reading a book about sensitive children, and how their differences affect them - especially when people tell them they are "over-sensitive". In reality, may of these children are sensitive and often over-stimulated, and so withdraw after a while to recover. They notice minor details, have fine ability to discern colours, flavours, smells, emotions etc. Sometimes those of us who are sensitive feel deeply, open to others, and can feel rejected and hurt when the other moves away or withdraws.



It sounds to me like your friend may have become the victim of "Normal Thinking" and "'Criticism Anxiety". My former wife kept saying that I was weird and did things in ways normal people didn't. She even had a night shirt which said "My next husband will be normal" (he isn't). I think she was more concerned about what others in society thought of her because I did things in unusual ways, rather than explore the unusual and look forward to a life less bored.



It is sad when a soul mate, close friend, etc is lost to the busy-ness of life, throws away their inner reflective abilities for a life of exterior pleasure or distraction. It can seem like a part of us is dead, someone who understood us has gone etc. I understand your loss.



It is said that busyness is the modern form of violence we do to each other.....

ProfDavros, this is thought provoking, I see the truth in your observations here. You do understand, thank you very much!.

Thank You Lagatta, I think about it, and I realize that we all choose our own path, we get on and we get off of the spiritual path, we take what we need when we need it, and carry on with what must be done, we choose our priorities. Life tends to disable our spirituality at times, I understand, I have been there myself. Still, it is always difficult to withstand even the most tactful rejection, especially from someone that I shared such a strong kinship with for such a long long time. it is a shame that we cannot step out of our selfish fragile humanity, especially, when we feel a little "banged up" and sorry for ourselves! Thank you for your kind and wise words.

Aww...my heart goes out to you. The way you describe what you had feels even deeper than a friendship. It almost sounds like a soul connection. It's very rare to find a friend one connects to so deeply and to loose her spiritually when she is still physically present must be very painful. My guess is that she has decided that she no longer wants to be that crazy, wild, free-spirit but wants to join the rest of the world in the typical, spiritually devoid North American life. Maybe you remind her of what she once was or maybe she is scared that you will try to get her to go down that spiritual path again. Who knows. It's hard to know what she is thinking if she won't share with it with you. However, I can feel your pain and I'm sorry for your loss.

Yes Jenni, it is especially hard for us sensitive types that put so much energy into the people that we care about. Perhaps we "over love" and "over trust" but, still, it is important to be ourselves, even if we get wounded when they move on. I guess we must move forward and not become closed off. We cannot know what is going on in someone's mind. Perhaps we don't know their whole story. Perhaps we should smile and bless what "was" and look forward to making new friends, there is always hope. Thank you for commenting dear Jenni, you are so precious to me.

Thank you. You are to me also.
It is always very painful losing someone you were close with. I know that my friendship with the person I wrote about probably won't survive this and it hurts so much. I know you are hurting as well and I feel for you. It is never easy. You always think friends will stick around and be there but that isn't always the case and it's hard to accept. *Hugs* xxx

I can relate to this. I am going through a similar experience. I bonded very much with a colleague and her kids. She encouraged a bond between us all. She used to get the kids to tell me they loved me and she also did many a time. She was very huggy and motherly towards me and used to send picture texts of her children to me. She would also buy presents for birthdays and christmas, even back from holidays. It was nice to have that bond with her and her children, it made me feel special and wanted. I also loved the way we used to chat about banal stuff like tv programmes we liked, I used to adore those chats with her.

I also supported her throughout her mother and fathers deaths over the years and she said I was one of the few who did. I was seeing her and looking after her son twice a week for over 2 years when she suddenly stopped bringing him in. I never felt able to ask why and can only hope it was because she wanted him to go to nursery for longer. I never did get an explanation and was always too scared to ask. I feel things have been weird since then. Things go ok for a while but I constantly feel like she uses me as she only speaks to me when no-one else is around. I also feel like she has expected me to turn my emotions off. She doesn't appreciate the fact that she helped nurture a close bond between us all, only to rip it away again. It hurts very much. I still get a present from the kids at birthdays and christmas but again, she always says she will bring them in to see me and then doesn't bother.

I don't get why she changed. I don't know if it was just circumstances and she genuinely wanted him in nursery for longer but if so, why not just tell me? I deserved that surely.

I understand your hurt, your confusion and your frustration. I can relate to the feelings of being deserted and of not knowing how to reach a person. Have you tried writing a letter to her? You may get some answers that way. Other then that all I can say is that on my 26 years of life on this planet, I have discovered that people can be very weird and fickle. It's extremely hard losing a friend you were once close with. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can heal in time xx