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My Next Husband Will Be Normal......

My former wife kept saying that I was weird and did things in ways normal people didn't.

An example of this was that when making the bed, I'd try different ways - examine the assumptions about "how we are supposed to make a bed". In the end I found it easiest for me to squat in the middle of the pillows and pull everything straight, then roll off the end and touch up the wrinkles.

To start with the jibes were in fun "You're weird!", "Can't you ever do anything like normal people do?"....

She had a night shirt which said "My next husband will be normal" (he isn't).

I think she was more concerned about what others in society thought of her because I did things in unusual ways, rather than explore the unusual, challenge standard beliefs and ways of doing things and look forward to a life less bored.

In the end it became an irritation that I seemed to be doing it to spite society's orderly running (maybe I was a 'little' rebellious toward conformity :-).

Engineers (and other creatives) typically are constantly looking for ways to do things "better" in some way (faster, cheaper, more reliable, easier to handle etc). It's part of my mindset to see what other ways I can do many things so that they are easier or more fun to do. It's a big part of looking outside the square - developing another way of looking at things.

I suspect it's what helps me to quickly accept most people I meet and not feel threatened by their "otherness" or "differentness".

Weirdness is a spice that colours the drab grayness of uniformity of the social collective.

The weird provide motivation to do new things in different ways, see a problem differently, see invisible everday things with new eyes etc.

I can imagine what society would look like without the weird, where those who stick out are hammered back into place - just check out any totalitarian regime for the last 100 years - it's rarely a way of enjoyable life.

Viva la weird!
ProfDavros ProfDavros 46-50, M 19 Responses Jan 12, 2012

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Ahhh!, your ex wife sounds scary and like someone who would make me insane. I would probably end up yelling at her and saying stuff like "normal people don't go around obsessing about what is normal and what isn't!!! You threatened by things that are not that same as something you've seen before to the point of insanity! You are not normal! You are abnormally dull!!!" LOL How long did you have to put up with that?

I had the privallige of her company for 22 yrs. We were friends in highschool.
It took great patience on my part to deal with conservative thinking, and lots on her part dealing with my ADHD (unknown at the time) and creativity.

One of the hardest things in like is resisting changing yourself for others, so well done for not doing that. I really admire you and your idea of making everything fun. I have the same idea about life, i think we should try and make ourself as happiest as possible and by doing that everything must be fun.
I've always been the oldest out of my group of friends but as they always say the oldest is the least mature, so i've been a bit worried that when i start uni next week i wont fit in properly because im not acting mature enough, but i guess i shall see

You sound like *just* the right combination of fun and serious for your stage in life and to do very well at uni. You'll find all types there: some bookworms, some party animals. Find a middle path to stay successful and sane.
I was an "old soul" with older parents, and missed much fun of youth. Enjoy it vigorously for it's harder to do it when older.
Good fortune at uni!

haha thank you.
Well my parents never let me go out and have fun so I guess im going to be one of them people who has a lot of fun as an adult. i'll be a professional business person by day and a party animal by night ahaa

The other day, I was mentioning to a special someone that things don't have to be the way anyone else believes they should, nor how we had previously imagined them to be. He and I are both "not typical." It's nice to be liberated from those expectations because, ultimately, what's it all worth?

"Typical" is always relative too, when two people really "get" each other, in ways no one else can, "normal" is what they create together, and everything external to them just becomes insignificant background noise

"everything external to them just becomes insignificant background noise"

Lovely.

It seem like you and I have a lot in common. I am definitely weird and do things in a weird way. However, I am an engineer and my weird ideas have often either solved the problem or found the only way that worked.

My first wife always said that her second husband would be normal, and as far as I can tell he is. But they don't sleep in the same bedroom. My second wife is much more normal than my first wife, and she loves the weird things I do.

I didn't say explicitly but am an engineer as well. I see my ability to think outside the square also as the source of creative solutions that others miss.
glad you found a 'weird' fan. I did too.

Well she fell in love with the weird at one point. After her heart began to fade it annoyed her. But the. Again so would leaving to toilet seat up or any other "normal" tuning men do. Her gripe wasn't the weirdness it was her emotional change. She will have a normal guy next time... Maybe... Then find she misses the weird, the corky and the not so normal at times. Weird isn't bad. Evil is bad weird.... Keeps things intersting.

The unfortunate part of the "Why can't you do anything normal?" comment isn't, I do not believe, that she was wanting a more 'normal' husband. Rather, I find it unfortunate that she was so self-centered as to believe that her way WAS the normal way and that her definition of normal was the ONLY definition that mattered. <br />
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I suppose this is why I get so irritated whenever I see the ubiquitous 'Keep Portland Weird' bumper stickers around my town. After all, in order to define something as 'weird', you first have to make the assumption that your definition of 'normal' is correct.

Sounds like the sticker is also trying to set a new rigid standard of Normal to replace the old.

Yes, and I dislike imposed labels of any kind. Unless I'm the one imposing them. :)

Yes, in a way self centred but more blind to diversity and a life of choice rather than follow rules and be ok which was her father's dictum. Poorer for that she is.

You are better off without.

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Weird seems to have a negative connotation, I think unique is a better desc<x>ription. At least you won't be called a bore....

Thankyou LadyHawk..... yes, while spoken in fun, there was always a connotation of "not acceptable" - I should fit in.
I rarely have, and expect I'll always see myself as an outsider in most places. Even those groups where I am welcomed, I still realise that few really understand me truly.

A gentleman tries to not be a bore, but I don't always succeed.

You are delightful. Truly.

Thankyou for the compliment - I accept that I have some charm, but also balancing weaknesses. I just don't exhibit them as easily here.

Exactly. Rigid where needed, flexible were needed. <br />
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I have a T shirt which says: <br />
You laugh at me because I'm different. <br />
I laugh because you're all the same. <br />
<br />
I wore it to family Christmas.

lolol

Normal sucks.........it's more fun to just let loose and be yourself. Oddities and all

OMG! My wife says the same crap to me! Why are you so weird? Why can't you be like everyone else? Why do you always have to analyse every situation?<br />
<br />
I am an Engineer, and a dreamer and a little boy in a man's body! <br />
I am mature, but love to still play, climb tree's etc.<br />
MY kid's and I have fun! She likes to do sort of weird stuff to, but says I am way out there.<br />
I thought I was reading about myself! lol <br />
Great Post! Don't let them change you!

I don't call it weird. I say we are unique individuals and just because we are not like everyone else doesn't mean we are weird. I say I am a very special unique woman and I do many things normal.......... *smile*

I agree! Who is to say what is normal! Besides normal is average= Boring!

That's interesting big guy, I suspect the most creative engineers architects and artists do retain our sense of play and exploration. Why analyse when you can guess? I suppose that's because that is what we value- defensible decisions which might differ from our natural guesses. I suspect I'm more open to other views because I want the best solution, not necessarily mine.

Exactly right Prof. I am a problem solver! Creativity can be bad when loosely applied. But never thinking past ones own opinions is not good either! I like to think I keep an open mind, but in the end, the solution has to meet tight Engineering Standards and principles.

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OK....first thing comes to mind is who decides what is normal and what is weird?? <br />
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You do not sound weird to me at all. You take the serious things and deal with them seriously, but you are well rounded enough to allow your inner child the freedom to escape the rigidity of day to day life. Now to me that sounds more normal then any "normal" person out there. Bravo!!

Thankyou, your comment was very touching. I've always sought balance in my life - and rarely achieved it, but keep trying. You also seem flexible and reasonable - a nice combination and sorely needed in our uptight world.

Great story. It leads me to ask one question though. Does it make me weird in that I don't find you to be weird at all? I have always been comfortable living outside the norm. I'm not interested in moving either. Thanks.

Freaks of a feather?..... I think it is really a sign of intelligence and tolerance - if we recognise the human in all of us, the rest is just interesting difference. I'm not sure about the moving comment, but I now don't bend myself out of shape to fit in anywhere. I don't 'dumb down' my language around the ex's family or mine. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Appreciated.

Gosh, Prof, it sounds like your your ex’s ‘conformity’ makes her, and those in her life, pretty miserable. It seems to me that you have a more rational approach to life, but then I’m kind of weird, myself.

It does. She's a wonderful woman, very compassionate, hard working, organised. I still miss her. I also know that our differences must have driven her nuts, and that her rigidity is now causing her much irritation.

I'm glad you hear you are infected with the wyrd gene too. Welcome aboard.

I'm sorry she couldn't keep up with you...You sound marvelously fun. Normal is boring!

There are four "Normal People"—a man, a woman, a boy, and a girl. They are kept in a glass case, at the Bureau od Standards, in Washington, DC.

I guess they must be what's used to calibrate carpenter's squares?

Thankyou, although I might be a tad more organised and less a hoarder if I was a little more rigid. I'm trying to avoid late onset rigidity which I see in my older siblings..... it would be terrible to turn into a GOF (Grumpy Ole' Fart) when I've kept myself pure all this time... ;-)

HEHEHE!

Thankyou for the compliment... not fun all the time, but enough to keep things light. I hope you do too.

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I would think it totally awesome if my husband did that. lol Hell, I'd probably help. (Or do my best to make it hard for him! xD)

good for you....especially for making it hard for him... I suspect he'd appreciate that. :-)

LOL love your idea of how to make a bed, too funny. Sounds like your more like a kid at heart and spirited and there is nothing wrong with that at all. I agree with your thoughts on this. I admit to being a little too concerned with how things look in the public BUT I have always admired those who are carefree. They are the ones who make life interesting. :)

Thankyou snowberry, you are perceptive and yes! I really am a kid at heart in many ways. Play is one of the casualties of our busy lives, and I try to find ways to enjoy it when I can. Word-play, puzzles, chasing games with my kids, play wrestling with my 6 yr old, and more grown up play with adults is all part of it.

If I can set some homework..... do something a little out of your comfort zone this week - let me know if you found it a little bit exciting to do... and if you were a little more alive because of it? ;-)

You sound like a great Dad, its funny as you were describing your interactions with the kids, I saw myself and all the things I have done with my own girls over the years. The hiding seek, chasing games, tickle torture, teaching them to climb trees, tobogganing with them. When they are around I have no issues or second thoughts about allowing the kid in me too shine. Its when they aren't that I become more conscious of myself. I have two ways of being and to be honest I am always happier and more content when the girls are around. I guess that should tell me something eh?

I love that you can take a mental health break with your kids. I also find it sad but understandable that adults sometimes need kids around to have an excuse to hang up the sanity leash, and let fly......Keeping the inner 'kid' alive is becoming harder in today's world - playing adult games can help keep our minds fresh and trying a few scary things now and then to keep ourselves tingly with new experiences can help. In the long run, the only person who will miss out on the fun if I conform all the time is me. Play early and often. ;-)

Very wise words, I will keep that in mind.

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Weirdness is definitely the spice of life.

Thankyou, your posts and comments reflect this. I wish for you, mucho spice!

Thank you. You are a sweet man. Your lady is a lucky gal.

Thankyou moondancelady, unfortunately she doesn't seem to think so. She let me know today that she wants to move out to somewhere else in the suburb with our son. It appears my de-cluttering exercise has taken too long, and I suspect that her recent miscarriage has left her with little tolerance.

I am so sorry to hear that. That is awful, the loss of a child, horrible for you both. It is double hard for the female. Both our mind and body grieve. I pray it works out for you, this will take time with the life altering issues going on in your lives. Do not forget you have friends on EP. If you need to talk, I will give you my yahoo messenger address. I will be thinking of you *hugs*

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I appreciate weird in a large way! Never change! Applause, Applause!

Bows to the audience of one.......... thankyou my dear lady. We two can be the inaugural committee of the International Society of Lapsed Conformists....at which point we can abandon the meeting rules and hit the supper!