I am weird. I should be hated in some ways because i love to push people to the limits, i test them, i am uncaring and wild and impulsive. I protect myself and don't allow feelings in or out or ..maybe i just don't get them. Or more to say i only get 2 the two extreme feelings - happy or sad.
And yet i get the feeling i am trying to get myself an escape route...from myself. I found quite ironically that i can tell all my secrets, act how i want and yet no one will be none the wiser, no one will challenge me, everyone hears but no one listens and no one cares and so i am secure in giving myself away and yet i know i can always get out. I have the ability to get out and have prethinked everything, either through sutle ways like putting them off, denying i have any problems or weirdness or simply lying. But its all very sly to keep me protected at all times. It's like i am playing a game against myself.
At the same time not caring makes me not care about other people and they actually like that because they know i don't care who my friends are and i like basically everyone and yet when push comes to shove i have an unlimited love for everyone... and i am more deeply bound to my friends than i am to myself and i think they understand that and that makes them local to me.
Also I have to ability to cope with other peoples problems so well and carry other peoples burdens. It's weird i am throughly rational and steady headed and have a quirkyness that makes me impulsive and crazy..maybe its just it makes sense to me and not anyone else. Whatever it is either i have all the reasons and my brain isn't letting me get to them or overtly i have no answers and am making it all up on the spot :) :)
I see right and i see wrong, i analyse rationally even taking note of none rational answers..and it all comes naturally. I just hope one day i can give it up...people don't know me because i don't truely let them in..do i have a problem? i don't know...maybe its me who is right and its everyone else with the problem...how can i be sure?
It is hard to explain whatever i am i am complicated and i am weird :) :)