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I Am Weird!!

 I am weird. I should be hated in some ways because i love to push people to the limits, i test them, i am uncaring and wild and impulsive. I protect myself and don't allow feelings in or out or ..maybe i just don't get them. Or more to say i only get 2 the two extreme feelings - happy or sad.

 And yet i get the feeling i am trying to get myself an escape route...from myself. I found quite ironically that i can tell all my secrets, act how i want and yet no one will be none the wiser, no one will challenge me, everyone hears but no one listens and no one cares and so i am secure in giving myself away and yet i know i can always get out. I have the ability to get out and have prethinked everything, either through sutle ways like putting them off, denying i have any problems or weirdness or simply lying. But its all very sly to keep me protected at all times. It's like i am playing a game against myself.

 At the same time not caring makes me not care about other people and they actually like that because they know i don't care who my friends are and i like basically everyone and yet when push comes to shove i have an unlimited love for everyone... and i am more deeply bound to my friends than i am to myself and i think they understand that and that makes them local to me.

Also I have to ability to cope with other peoples problems so well and carry other peoples burdens. It's weird i am throughly rational and steady headed and have a quirkyness that makes me impulsive and crazy..maybe its just it makes sense to me and not anyone else. Whatever it is either i have all the reasons and my brain isn't letting me get to them or overtly i have no answers and am making it all up on the spot :) :)

 I see right and i see wrong, i analyse rationally even taking note of none rational answers..and it all comes naturally. I just hope one day i can give it up...people don't know me because i don't truely let them in..do i have a problem? i don't know...maybe its me who is right and its everyone else with the problem...how can i be sure?

It is hard to explain whatever i am i am complicated and i am weird :) :)

 

 

followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F 15 Responses Oct 13, 2008

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Life is a game, life is joke, don't sound so poetic now do I?

we all complicated in our own way and we asked questions from ourselves. These things make us unique and wise. Hope you will able to talk about these in a safer environment.

I feel the same way all the time its scary how you described yourself because I know just how you feel!

Hahaaaa!!! not that I resemble any of those qualities but thank you anyway :) You're far too kind and you certainly bring a smile to my face every time we talk ^__^

But humble pie..yes please!!!! ^__^ heheeeee....

hmmm..I wrote this about 2 years ago and yet I'd say some things have changed, but others...well they are very much the same tbh. As for hiding feelings..well I hide way more than that, it's kind of scary...but I'm working on it :)

DISCOVERY IS A LIFE LONG PROCESS-<br />
especially self discovery.<br />
Like the fallen angel up there said- u gotta decide which parts of you to embrace and which to enslave to your own will- but playing games with people is ILL ADVISED.

We find it best not to over-analyze things. Why not be open and honest, without the need for games. Wouldn't life be much easier if we could all just be ourselves, all of the time, without fear of reprisals? There is both joy and freedom in that. If the world doesn't like it, then they can ****-off. Who needs them?

i guess thats the problem..i can't find bits of me and other bits i want to let go i can't....heheee thats life i guess

There is nothing wrong with accepting that you are dark and demented, more so than any demon or demgod in mythology or existence. You just have to figure which parts you wish to embrace and which to abstain form and keep from being unleashed.

this is true..and i don't blame them but i am determined to fix mine..though sometimes i query if i can and if not i will die trying :)

There are many who give into that subtle, dark aspect of their own mind every day. You, you only allow yourself to talk to someone who tries to accept his and dive into the dark aspects most do not wish to announce is there.

I would indeed Lucifer...haha! it sounds like i'm giving myself away to the devil ;D ..oh well xD

There is always a reason for hiding yourself and playing games with other people that leads you to that one question; Am i playing games with them, or with myself? How terrifyingly fun it is to find out that answer. But in truth everyone plays everyone else; everyone hides something. WE only hide more; makes the game more fun and complicated. Never knew there was more than one like myself. I'm liking EP all the more already.<br />
<br />
Care to fall down a rabbit-hole with me?

Your a deep person.I believe that you will find one person you can open up to and just be you.Well I honestly think you can be a poet!!Your deep and passionate.