My Gate Experiences6th January
For quite some time I was planning to create a blog for me so that I can reveal my inner side. I am quite an introvert, I don’t usually put my leg in others matter. I always try to keep up to myself. I don’t bother of anything until that has an impact on me. I am not so responsible person; I tried not to have any responsibility. I like to enjoy my life to the fullest. I like to roam every possible destination, like to do every possible thing. I don’t like to carry on a definitive lifestyle. I like adventure. Challenges are what keep one alive.
I believe in understanding yourself first then to look into others. We really need to give time to ourselves so that we can be we. I was attending a meditation class from a week, albeit no one in my family knows about it. I don’t have any plan to let them know as long as I don’t find it necessary. If I feel that any of my family members or friends can be benefitted from the class I am ready to refer them.
I feel awaken today, yesterday I made a plan to start my new routine for my GATE exam but I didn’t follow it strictly. There is one big fault in me, which is coming to light; I always want to get rid of bad habits instantaneously. I know I took time to adopt it, but want to get rid of instantaneously which is why many times I fail to get them off. When I am charged I make many plans which doesn’t accomplish as I have planned. I end up fulfilling it incompletely.
Anyway as I have planned to make a note of it from now onwards I think I will feel more pressure to do any significant thing every single day so that it gets some space on this web page. I will be mostly talking about my preparation for GATE 2011 which is scheduled to be on 13th of February. I wish me all the best for it.
It’s so cold today. We went to mirik yesterday to celebrate Happy New Year 2011. The weather was good throughout the day. We had a nice picnic there. Now as the refreshment is over it’s time now to do some work. I have decided to carry on my new routine. I have to study 70 hrs in 7 days. The countdown starts from today itself. I have not visited ashram from 3 days. Today I will be going to the ashram and then it depends whether from tomorrow I can go or not.
I always told myself that I have iron will power but never proved it correctly. Now I will have to confirm it and show it to me that what I said was correct. I must have finished the book “Where is your mojo.” I will try to find it and download it soon. Now I have to work on the power of autosuggestion. I have deviated from the path of righteousness and now have to come back to the track. From tomorrow I will get up early in the morning, visit ashram and the pray and make myself for the rest of the day. I know I will find a bit of difficulty in early roads but I know the rest of the path will be easy for me. I will get rid of the five vikarms – KAM, KRODH, MOH, and LOBH AND AHANKAR. I will get 95% in GATE 2011. The entire best buddy, get the **** out of here and get what you want...
I am listening to a song from 3 idiot (Bahti hawan sat ha woh). I was not doing well with the routine. I thought I can easily take over my maya i.e. vikarmas, but I am finding it quite difficult. I know I can control it, but I am just not doing so. Every time I connect internet, I start visiting unnecessary stuffs. It’s like maya takes over my brain, and dominates it. Well as just 25 days to go to my GATE exam, I have prepared for CSIR, and thinks that I just have to brush up my memory, which gets quite difficult if done at last time. Okay one good news is that I have passed the CSIR first paper, so the maya took advantage of this and my mind becomes somewhat lenient which allowed breaking the routine. Well this is the last time; I have to sacrifice my laziness, my small happiness, and my satisfactions. I really and really have to be serious. I have to control my mind to do all what I need to do or I can do to get my aim. For the next 25 days, I will have to follow a routine or better always make sure that everything I do in these 25 days have to contribute to my aim. I have to convince my mind that 25 days of trouble (albeit not so) will give me more freedom in the coming future. This is very true that whenever I study well and keep up with my words I feel more confident and relaxed. I have to listen to good music; music releases serotonin from brain and gives a sense of relief, feeling of happiness. I will not deviate from this anymore I promise this from now.
Things to avoid:
Watching P, unnecessary M, uneasiness, feeling empty, aimless, over eating, laziness, useless browsing.
Things to improve:
Wake up early in the morning, follow routine, refresh your mind every time you seat for study, use same place for studying every time, no useless roaming, love your work, no vagabond.
Things to do:
Get new book for GATE and write down the rules and the routines, regular check of PhD registration, make a doubt book and complete it properly, get a marker, study in the morning (at least 1 hr) then increase to slowly, 10 minutes of pranayam then increase it slowly, almond daily, give yourself point for your good deed, categorize your points and awards, write down the topics which you find it difficult and study those at cool mind, make sure this is your last time to save yourself, also make a penalty categories.
If you qualify GATE:
If I qualify GATE then...
The first thing will be I will be more confident and control over myself.
I will be recognized in the outer world.
My lifestyle will change.
I will be more happy and satisfied.
I will feel I am living well and not just compromising with myself.
I will feel control over my thoughts.
I will have no worry of my future, and will not feel for my misdeed in the past.
I will get admitted in the IIT.
People will see me high; their vision about me will get increase.
I will be idol to many.
People will ask about my routine and secret to qualify GATE.
My future will be bright.
I will be happy that I am doing what I like to do.
I will be not compelled to join banking or any other dry jobs.
I can boast to everyone about this.
I will shut everyone’s mouth who thinks I am just wasting my time here just sitting at home.
My parents will be proud of me.
My brother will be influenced by me.
My plan of writing a book will get more weight.
My bhimbhar wale dada will be happy to hear this and will try to get the claim.
My lecturer will be happy, and I will develop more courage to talk to them.
I can prove that I really has something.
He had this thing but never proved it and proved it well.
He had shown this world that he is an influential person.
I will have more opportunity to earn and get something for me.
I can reward myself after this.
I will have a taste of studying at IIT.
I can contribute something at my sister’s marriage.
My dad can boast that my son is a doctor or will be a doctor.
Mr. changes to Dr. (IIT).
I will have an opportunity to do something for poor people, I will do some charity, fulfill my humanity.
I will talk to deppy after this.
It’s like my whole life will change, I will stop visiting ashrams, I will be more contend, I will be more confident, I will have more opportunistic life, People will be proud of me, It will be new light which has brighten me, I will be no vagabond, I will be myself (without any vikarm), my wife will be more happy with me, my children will be happier, I will be happiest. Just a few steps away, some compromise and a great future.
Yesterday itself I tried myself to immerse into the routine, initially I had bit of difficulty. My mind was wandering and was not allowing me to sit patiently with the books and concentrate. Then after spending 15 or 20 minutes, I started liking it. I was going slowly so I felt no burden and heavy head. I studied in 3 batches. The last batch lasted for a good 4 hrs. I felt relaxed at the end of the study. Today I got up late, but I did continue with the massage and pranayam. I took early tea and bath and got ready to go to the shop. When I returned, to study. It was almost 2pm. I studied for an hour and went to net to send my thesis to Gopi. When I returned I was not willing to start my study, as I felt I will not be able to complete the syllabus as per the program. Albeit I studied, I left all to my late night study. I hope I will manage to complete the rest of the topics tomorrow without affecting the next schedule.
Last day I didn’t study at all. All coz of airtel which is providing mobile internet facility at nominal rates and internet interests everyone. You don’t even know you have spender 4-5 hrs. browsing unwanted stuffs. Especially I, feel hard to come out of this internet addiction. In no way mobile net was helpful to me in respect to leading a good life. I have been deviated by this quite a many time, and every time it took too much of patience and commitment to come out of it.
One more minor problem to me is that when I started listening to good music I keep listening to it. In one way it is cool coz it transforms my mind but also kills a valuable amount of time. Someone said it truly that human mind has no limit. Once I used to study 14-15 hrs daily without being feeling exhausted. But now I feel bit suffocated after studying 5-6 hrs. My mind searches for some kind of entertainment and during this time internet took all advantage and grab me. I feel no control on my brain.
For any work, one needs a good amount of commitment, interest and also motivation. In my part, I lack motivation as my program follows. I start my plan with hell lot of commitment and interest which descends as the time passes but due to lack of motivation I failed to reach the top, albeit I manage to get some height.
An author spends much time on writing a book but we readers don’t even spend a cent to read it. The books (obviously the digestive ones) should be read with interest. It should also be slow so that we give our brain the required time to think, relate and create any doubt. If everything is going so fine then either the book has no juice to be drunk or the brain is dead to drink.
My brain is like a continuous bioreactor, it needs continuous supply of feed (positive thinking, things which refreshes my mind like music, good thoughts, life style of a noble person, meditation, going back to the past and enjoying some good memory, scenes of exotic places, my favorite stars, mystery girl pic blah blah blah). Till the time I am giving the feed, my brain feels no stress and obeys my order. The moment I tend to pressurize it to do any work against its will, it decompresses itself and the pressure is beyond its limit, it goes out of order for a while (be a few hours, a day or more). Everything is really so well at the moment and the next it turns out to be a chaos. I have thrown the sim somewhere and now not able to access the net so my mind is quite stable for some days. Yesterday I was feeling so blank; it’s like my heartbeats going down and no thoughts of doing anything. Just simply closing my eyes and giving my insight a flight in the lost world. I kinda like it sometimes having inner eye, I do lots of think, I roam places to places, do every impossible thing, entertaining my mind, It really feels so great. From today I am in a good mood.
Many a time, I take no worry for the tasks ahead and calm myself for a while. I just give myself the time to prepare for the task and then when my will instructs me to start it, I do so and it turns out to be perfect. One example I can refer here is that during exams I don’t study even if I had lot of syllabus to cover, I just relaxes my brain, entertains it by reading other stuffs, music, roaming. And then finally when I feel like studying I finish it before I start and get good marks. It really works, when you are confident and calm, you enjoy every second of it and your confidence grows a further and you complete the work pretty well.
Finally I am happy after my performance in the GATE exam held on yesterday. I was all nervous and surrounded by lots of negative thoughts like I will not be able to reach the centre on time, my exam will not go fine and so on. But I proved everything wrong. Albeit I did some silly mistakes and lost some 4-6 marks, which must have put on higher ground in getting the IIT seat. Anyway I feel satisfied as I take less trouble this time. I felt the question not of high standard. One of the reasons for this may be that last time I was not well prepared for the exam and find the question paper bit difficult. I have certainly improved my standard as my knowledge is concerned. There was one time when I used to see the previous year question paper and think that which topic it belongs to.
Now I have to continue my routine and prepare a well managed note for separate chapters. Coz I have realized that lot of things which I read, I am not able to contain with me to the exam, and I lose it in between. I really have to write down all the important things which I feel relevant for the exam.