My Past And Autism...

I have Aspergers syndrome. I can function properly like a lot of other people. Except for this one little thing.

That is with social involvement. On the outside, I am quite normal. My drawing is what keeps me  calm with most of the social things my mom  invites me too. Though I am 19 years old, I find it hard to make eye contact and talk to people.

My writing is fine when I discuss and talk to my friends online. But that is not meeting face to face. When I do meet them face to face. Once I do meet up with them, it is even harder to talk to them.

You may call this shyness. But with shyness at least you could over come it. With such things as autism, it is even harder to over come such a thing. I find change extremely heart breaking, for even the smallest of things. I express myself much more better with my artwork or drawing. To some, I seem cold and have no empathy what so ever. But that is what comes with autism, I can not seem to understand peoples feelings all too well. When they cry, I try to comfort them. But I do not touch them, hug them. Touching is very hard for me, I can not even cuddle, because it is a cringing moment for me then. Small talk is even difficult, and some people think I am ignoring them when I do not talk to them for a long period of time. Some people also seem to think, because of my disability, I can not have the knowledge I so yearn for. This is wrong, because I know I can learn very greatly even if I have this disability.

Another reason for who I am, is because of a past experience with people. A very violent, tormenting and traumatic experience. Thus my reason for hating mankind, and trusting less and less. I have lost apathy, because of a person who I thought had cared.

RivoltaSilenziosa RivoltaSilenziosa
18-21, F
Feb 22, 2010