I Sometimes Hate Being Me But Most Of All Being Black

I haate being seen as a potential threat to society

i hate walking into a place full of whites and all eyes are on me

i hate trying to be accepted by my own kind, by either doing something that can ruin my life or end it

i hate reading about the "proud white history" of rich, larger than life men and woman

i hate being precieved by the dark color of my skin as evil

i hate the stereotypes

i hate the words "Black magic" "Blackmail"

i hate however nice i try to be im still treated like a ****** by so called friends family and my self
chillkilla chillkilla
18-21, M
4 Responses May 25, 2012

<p>PS. It doesn't really matter what "history" says as long as you know the truth. The first roller coaster was invented by a black person, the light bulb as well, the idea was sold (so I read) to Thomas Edison. The first open heart surgery was performed by a black man. You should not hate being black =(. God gave your people so many gifts and you have soooo much to offer this world. History doesn't define you, your Heavenly Father does, and that is the truth.<br />
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Dear God,</p><p>Please heal this poster Father, from all the false lies spoken against himbecause of his race. Abba, I am asking that your love and light come and dispel any false beliefs, negative memories, damaged emotions, destructive cellular memories, and any physical issues he has that are related to who he is and how he perceives himself. Abba, expose these wounds and let them be found open and healed by filling her with the life and love of you. In Jesus name, amen.</p>


You comment about all whites eyes being on you reminded me of a similiar experience. I am a white female and my friend invited me to an "all black church." I was looking forward to going, but as soon as i hit the parking lot, one of the attenders looked at me kind of funny. That was just the beginning of my very insecure spiral downward. Went inside and tried to be friendly. No one was overtly rude to me, but the man sitting about twenty feet from me in the same pew didn't make eye contac t with me, and one or two people in front looked back but it was brief, no greeting, nothing. yes there were a few after service who were super warm and friendly, but I felt like the "white girl out of place" there.
When I left, I seriously began to wonder how many black people (this is a generalization so please no one be offended. That is not my inention) find themselves very uncomfortable in an envrionment because they percieve that others feel they are "out of place." I struggled with whether or not my experience was in my imagination or if it was real, but either way, the feelings were real.
Im truly sorry for all you black ladies and gentlemen that feel that way regularly. The Lord loves you all and I guess the only way to really get rid of feeling that way is to let God heal you, and just be yourself. Most people will open up if they know you (or me , or any race for that matter) are friendly and let them know you appreciate that race. Sometimes though, that is hard to acheive in a five minute time slot.
Nothing is "wrong" with your people. You are creative, talented, and fearfully and wonderfully made. I am sorry that you have had so much of the opposite spoken against you. it seems like many white people are fearful of being branded as racist, we sometimes are afraid of being pidgenholed. Reaching out in love and allowing God to heal you in those areas where your psyche has been affected will bring healing

Your story is 100% understood. I probably came to the realization that the United States was not, is not, and probably will never be created with me (us) in mind. As sad as that sounds, it helps when 'they' tell you that it is somehow 'your fault' for feeling this way and when 'they' tell you that it has absolutely nothing to do with larger historical/social fr<x>amework that remains unaddressed. <br />
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I would highly suggest traveling to other places/countries and meeting new people...best of luck to you man.

thank u brother

That's a real shame. I am quite fond of most black people. I think it began as a child, I would visit rest homes with my aunt who worked as a nurse there. There was this one sweet black man named Lee and I absolutely loved him. He even came out to our house one time.<br />
I used to teach at an alternative high school, and the kids used to call me Mrs. Black because they knew I loved black people. haha<br />
Sorry you are judged by the color of your skin. It's just not right. Don't let it rule your life though-Be great despite it!! :)