The Mistress. The Martyr.

i have fallen in love. for the very first time in my life. don't let me fool you, i have thrown that phrase, "i love you," out there many a time. and without. for, i have loved many a person in my life, perhaps every single one that i meet to some extent or another. but he is different. god. he is the difference i never thought existed or that i would find. i dream of him every night. everything i do contains or is followed by a thought of him. he is me, and my heart burns and aches for his touch. the other night, as well lay in bed, naked, side-by-side. he pulled my head close to his chest. "i can hear your heart," i whispered. "what does it say?" he replied. my name, is what he said. a reverberating beat of my name. as i. i breathe him. i taste him. i see him in all the moments he is away. this is, by far, the absolute worst and best feeling i have ever had in my life. i want to fly like a bird.

...i also want to jump in front of a semi truck.

he is my father's best friend. i have grown up with his family all of whom i love. he is my father's age. we have opposition hitting us from all possible sides. he can't leave his wife, his children. i would never expect such a sacrifice.

i have met my soul mate, and never will we have the life i would have imagined two such beings to have led.

now, i'll drink vodka. and listen to sappy french love songs. and wait for next sunday night. the one day of the week i get to let go. forget about everything.for those few short hours of true bliss. innocent. pure. beyond gorgeous they are.

i sit alone in my apartment and cry at times. for, this is how life is and always will be. at least on the path i have been afforded. happiness is found, but in the most obscene and largely unobtainable ways.
flordelmar flordelmar
22-25, F
Jan 15, 2013