Deepest Apologies

Life is bitter and cold. I do not know how much longer I can stay strong. For my best friend I have kept strong for years but even now I am breaking. Amy, you are my sister, my best friend. You always have been there for me even when I would try to push you away. I cannot keep it up, I am sorry. I know that I am not the best person in the world, I know that I am not the best friend to have. Hell I am one of the worst. I cannot be happy and I just no longer know why.

I have tried to stay strong, but the girl you used to know. She is gone. The girl who could strong is dead, all there is now is me. The changed me, the girl who views the world with anger and hate. I also know you have changed too. I remember when we would both smile and laugh but now it seems neither of us can do that anymore. All that we can do is cut, bleed, and cry.

I have tried my best, honestly I have. But I know I failed to be a good friend. We both know this. I failed to keep strong, I failed to help you. Now you have decayed with me into depression. It is like a never ending cycle for us my sister. It is like we can just not be happy anymore. We are only happy when we are sad. But together it has always been us. Through thick and thin, it is me and you Amz. 

My closest  friend here on ep, Amber. I am sorry if I have ever gave you pain or doubt. You may not look like a woman on the outside but I know, I truly know that you are a woman. A woman of beauty and strength that hardly any woman has. I am sorry if I have ever brought you down.  When I first came to this site I knew no one, I did not care or give a **** but back then I smiled. I smiled and was happier. Now when you look at me it is pain and depression. You have stood by me when I have told you painful secrets. You have gave me strength when I found none. You are a shinning star on its way to heaven. No matter what trials of pain you face I know you can do it.  I hope you forgive me for anything I have said to make you sad.

Sweet Emolia, little emmy. I know how hard it is for you. You feel alone but you are not. There are thousands probably millions who are going through the same as you. I know how we used to be closer and now I am distant and at times cold towards you. I am sorry if I upset you. I want you to know that you will always be my lil sister.

Nick, I do not know where to begin. I am sorry for all the **** I gave you. I am sorry for pushing you away when youwanted to help. You will always have a place in my heart. You are my big brother, I should not have been cold to you. You need to keep strong, you can make it through it all. I hope you forgive me for how harsh  I have been towards you. I am deeply sorry.

L, I know you probably hate me now. The reasons are understandable. I am sorry if I hurt you, I do not mean it. It brings tears even now when I think of your words to me now. You hate me. I remember we used to be close, now we are so distant that all our conservation are distant and cold. I am sorry.

Calin, how do I begin? I am sorry for bringing depression to you. You should not have to deal with it, you go through enough without having to worry about me and my stupid hatred towards the world.  I am sorry, please forgive me. I will be stronger now.

Juan, I am so sorry :( I cannot keep on pretending that I am strong. I have became distant towards you. We rarely talk anymore. I am sorry for all those things I said. I am sorry for being angry or being hateful. I am just sorry.

Jesse. I am sorry for being a burden to you. I know you try to help me but I push you away. You actually give a **** about me and still I push you away. I am sorry for being so broken, I am sorry that you feel like you need to talk to me. Please do not worry about me, I am sorry that I have not been such a good friend these days.

To everyone else who I have hurt, I am sorry. I am sorry if I have been harsh or cold. I am sorry for being distant. I have changed, I am not the happy girl anymore. I have not been her for so long but still I had managed to keep strong. Now I am not strong, I am always so ******* depressed. I cut, I hope to die. But when that does not work I get more depressed, more cold, more distant. I hope you will all forgive me. 
Life will always  be cruel, I will always be this cold and depressed. I  cannot keep on being happy when truly I am not. I am just so ******* sorry :(