I Explore the Who That I Am

By writing my thoughts and experiences down I not only understand myself more.I explore the who that I am. The mistakes that I have made with relationships have taught me alot. I have learned that self awarness,self-esteem,and trust can be broken and can be mended. It is hard not to catorgorize all types of people. I think sometimes this is a defence mechanism. It becomes a two-sided coin, On one hand we protect ourseves by not trusting to have that ideal relationship. We therefore group all men/women alike.While this may make the heart "feel"better for a time ,we secretly yern for a close loving compainionship. So what to do?

Does setting our standard higher limit the resourses? I really hope this is true. I have "settled" for what I thought would be ok only to have my world turned on it axis. I think I would rather have One man in my life that is compatible with my thoughts and principals than to have several men just have the same "likes" I have. I would rather have the same concept of love.family.values and money.than just both liking the same food,sports,music or pets.

The waiting .......while  the need to share events.feelings and needs can be a powerful tool to make me want to lower the standard,I know what the cost was to me. I sometimes wonder how much time will pass. I have found my happiness within myself and I like my life, so I don't sit and wait until it should happen. I guess that If it shouldnt happen,then I will have made my life enjoyable anyway. On the other hand should it happen, then I know that not only have I made myself a better person . Then the new man in my life would also like the who that I am.



















windy windy
46-50, F
1 Response Apr 27, 2007

They say to thy self be true. I spent 3 year of my life without a man, Not for any other reason than I had to brake away from relationships for awhile after loosing someone to cancer. It wasn't a choice,It was just the direction my life took. I time to reflect, I time to grow, A time to heal. It was a time to take care of me. One would like to think one can love unconditionally, Don't get me wrong, I have and still do. But I believe that is apart of motherhood. I have love the deepest I have ever thought I could. I believe that no one man can give you all that you need. Thats a big order to fill. Thats how I see it. The best that I have had was and is a man who tries to understand. And when they don't, They just need to be there with an encouraging hand. But all and all it works both ways.