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Why Do I Keep Trying When I Just Make Everything Worse?

on top of everything that i can't deal with, my wife hates me and we're so close to seperation/divorce i don't know what to do.  I thought we hit rock bottom a few days ago (on saturday/sunday) and i stupidly enough thought once we hit rock bottom there's only up.  right?  wrong!  I needed to set up an appt for my disability  pension (I've a benign brain tumor since years that keeps growing back).  I called her at work and today after supper I really caught hell for making my precense known at her place of work. So I won't be calling her at work for any reason whatsoever. 

this is not because of a single phonecall that my wife is pissed off about .  according to her i've messed up her life/wasted her time, we have 2 kids together and we live in a very confined space 620 square foot house. I can't get away and she from me.  I'm wanting to save what we had as a marriage and every time i try to do somethign i just make it worse and then i have to wonder why do I bother when i just keep making problems worse maybe i should remove the root of the problems (me basically).

notalostcause notalostcause 36-40, M 6 Responses Apr 26, 2010

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did you get a divorce yet?

time to comment my own story again I guess - things get better, then worse, then better again. we're tolerating each other and I'm out of the area of being a danger to myself or others so that's a good thing. On the weeekend we did some diy siding that was overdue since months and managed without fighting. afterwards we had a nice fire in our big outdoor firepit with a bottle of martini prosecco and we toasted each other - so things were ok. Any improvements on my part are at least as much for me and my kids as they are for her. right now I'm at home with the kids; well they're playing outside and i'm obviously sitting in front of my pc. at any rate as I've said before I have to try...

ok enough for now - I'm gonna go surf for something fun maybe - can't remember the last time I did that (I seem to spend all of my time in self help forum or other serious stuff and not with anything 'fun'. that has to change too

ok, so here I go commenting my own story - the point in going on is to be to bend straight the failures I've made. I have to do that - i can't stick my head in the sand or try to ignore that i am indeed ther cause of many problems and with a lot of very hard work someday I can become a healthy normal functional person. I know i can't re-invent myself overnight so I'm looking more at changing myself in small gradients, maybe each day one little thing maybe 1% daily. and go from there. trying to change myself ompletely all at once would only be a really big setup for even more failure.

so I am going to keep trying every day. am I crazy? maybe but i still have to try or i'd never forgive myself for the sake of my wife and children.

Find a place that is rent controlled, because you are on disability, and move out. It will hurt, I can not lie about that. However, in the long run it will be better for you, your kids, and her. I know, because I just went through it, and for almost the same reasons. You did not get sick on purpose. I have read about many people, here on E.P. who's spouse has accused them of that. In fact my former spouse said that about me. Now that I am out of that environment I am better. My kids have said the their mother is better. Also when I see them I can tell the they re better. My friend you are in a bad situation, and you need to get out for you and your kids well being. You can always contact me through E.P. and I'll help you in any way that I can. Take care of yourself.

well after all the crap that I've submitted my wife to she deserves the 100% focus of me trying to solve the problems that i made. problem with that is as soon as I try to bend something straight it pissess her off even more. example: i am unable to work due to a brain tumor - I'me working on getting a disabilty pension which is available - but my wife needs to sign the papers with me and i called her of all places AT WORK where no one as she put it 'none of her people' is to know that I exist.

so yeah it hurts. a lot. and I am not unlike others - there's only so much hurt I can take too. and when it becomes too much i really don't know what i'll do.

Haven't you noticed that you base your whole argument here around one person, your wife. I know that I can't offer you the immediate solution for your specific situation, but I do believe that the point of living isn't to limit one's choice or point of view to the single place or the single person.