I Feel Empty

second day of using this site. i like it here, i feel safer on here than on tumblr or twitter.
well today i feel really empty, like i have absolutely nothing to live for. As i worked on my essay, painting, and math, I thought, what really is the point? Why am I doing all this? I'm not going anywhere, what's the point of trying?
I also had a horrible realization, that all the friendships I do have are not going to last, since the only thing that connects us is school. I don't think I have any strong bonds with anyone. So, why even bother continuing the friendship if I know it will end?
Also, I can't believe people can be so blind. They really cannot recognize that my smiles, laughs, etc are so forced. I don't think they understand how confused about life I really am, because they keep telling me about their successes and future plans. Everyone seems to be in such a rush.
I haven't felt this worthless, hopeless, empty, useless and lonely since the summer of grade 10, before grade 11. I haven't had a suicidal thought since 2010, but now they're back. On my birthday this year, we were driving on the highway and I will never forget the sweet feeling of relief I had when I pictured myself jumping from the bridge onto the road.
I understand that this is probably another episode of...depression, but I can't help but want out. Life isn't looking too hopeful for me.
katrina1235 katrina1235
May 17, 2012