No Hope For The Future

I just want to share how I'm feeling, hopeless, alone and that I have nothing to live for. Life always feels like such a struggle and I'm tired of battling through it alone. I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I'm sick of painting on the happy face and saying everything's ok. That mask is starting to crack and I feel like I can't go on. I want to take an overdose, but I want to make sure that it works. I've seen what can happen from a close relative's failed attempt and if I do it I want it to be final. I have no one to talk to about the way I feel and the Dr just sends you off with a prescription. I'm so tired of battling with my moods every day. I'd just like to pull the plug and be done with it.
lonelyandalone40 lonelyandalone40
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 9, 2012

Lonely,,I deeply sympathize with your plight. I am too old for you to be of much interest to you, as I come from a past generation. But I think many of us have deep conflicts within us and you are normal, but depressed. I know what it's like to have to force the smiles, lie as though everything is ok, but wish sometimes we could just dry up and blow away. If you like I'd be glad to correspond. I am ashamed due to our judgmental society, but have a lot of baggage I've carried most of my life. It's shameful to me, so I have great difficulty talking about it. I don't want to be labeled as some perv or something derogatory. So we have our problems, but I will never be less that a friend if you so desire. I have learned not to have expectations, as society and chats have shown over the years. I just want you to be happier, because you have time left to have a better life. Youth is on your side,,best wishes, Will

Thank you for your response Will. I like your profile picture. Wolves are beautiful animals. We all have our demons to wrestle with. I manage to screw everything up around me as I feel I don't deserve to be happy. I have driven almost everyone away who was close to me and now I feel like I have to start again. I worry about growing old and alone and dying and no one will miss me. Morbid I know. Best wishes.

lonely,,yes i like wolves,thank you. Yes we do have our demons to deal with, and I've done it for a long, long time. But you are not alone in your feelings, and you DO deserve to be much happier. I know how it is to be alone a lot, even in a crowd. So write me anytime, and I'll get back as soon as I can. I am a caretaker, so bear with me as I hope I can be a friend at least of some worth. My best to you, and try to keep the faith.

Thank you. It's not too late for you either. I'm feeling a bit better today for going to work and being occupied. Less time to dwell on negative thoughts.

I'm glad that the occupation of work helped, lonely. It can be helpful in many respects. But your feelings of worthlessness are not true in my opinion, and somehow such feelings were instilled by some event or events that take some time to unravel. Maybe you have thought about what is the cause of your destructive thoughts that brought you here to say what you feel. I hope work is helpful, and maybe this was just a bad day, and you, like many of us feel down when we're alone carrying some kind of baggage that makes us feel unwanted. If you have such feelings again, I'm glad to listen, and my advice or ideas are free. So maybe it won't be worth that much, but I am willing to try and boost your spirits, though I have many loads to carry. So it goes. Best wishes for better days. Sincerely, Will

Hi Will. The occupation of work has not been so helpful today as I feel disconnected from people and alone with my dark thoughts. I am feeling a bit unwell so I can put it down to another off day, in fact the week is turning into one big frozen turkey!! :-) Willing to listen if you want to lighten the load too. Take care.

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