It's Going To Happen. I Just Don't Know When.

I lost my dad to suicide 2 years ago. Ever since my depression has become increasingly worse. Im 24, have a good job, a nice car, I keep fit, go out with friends, the usual. My life is somewhat good, but after losing my dad and having gone through hell with my partner of 7 years, I don't think they realise how bad I struggle with my depression. I feel worthless, I feel like i'm not enough, that they don't love me, that someone else will come along. Whenever we argue or whenever I struggle with emotions suicidal thoughts come into my head. I've battled with them for 2 years, iv had councilling but the urge to do it is becoming too strong. I just don't want to be here anymore. I want the pain of losing my dad and the pain of my relationship to disappear and i also want to disappear. I'm in the planning process, looking at what i need and where to get it, I would like to hang myself or gas myself in the car, once Christmas is over then i will look at a right time to go through with it, if there ever is a right time. I used to blame my dad for ending his life, but now amongst the darkness of my depression I truly see why he did it, because sometimes its the only way to free yourself.
striker200181673 striker200181673
22-25, F
Dec 16, 2012