Defeated.

I Realized i don't deserve to be alive and i'm not living like i should. The days and nights of my meaningless life run into each other and blur out so much that i constantly have to ask myself what day it is. I'm borderline suicidal and i keep hoping someone is going to care enough to help me change my life around but then i realize I'm alone and this thought pop into my head that makes me believe i'll actually feel like this forever. It feels like the joy of my soul and then i died to everyone else. It feels like i'm so distant from the world that not even God can close that gap, More then just a gap that shows distance but a gap that shows pain but still i' here. Questioning every fiber of my being,every problem that i have ,and every person that isn't there for me. i'm not happy with my situation or the fact that i let myself slip so far into the devil's reach that i'm nearly sitting in his hand while i sin and ask God what's the plan. I'm to afraid to die but i'm more afraid to live. At least now i know i'l either commit suicide or .... well maybe there's only one option.
KeezyDerp KeezyDerp
18-21, M
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

god has a plan for you, maybe it doesn't seem like it now but your life will be better. I know its hard to feel alone but I am always here if you want to talk