I Think About It, You Know

I think about it, you know.

It's usually casual, in passing. I think about what the world would be like without me. My sister would have the bigger room, my brother wouldn't constantly be bursting into tears at my thoughtless words, my mother wouldn't be screaming at me for making my brother cry. I wouldn't have to fill out forms for college, or care about my constantly lowering class rank. Everyone would quickly forget my face, as a girl who committed suicide. My funeral would be short and quiet, for my school always hushes up things like that, and I don't participate in sports.

Usually I dismiss it. It's all in my head. It's my fault my life is awful, because I am an awful person who deserves the worst.

I tried. Well not really. I had the knife in my hand. and I almost stabbed my wrist, but I cut my hand instead. That seemed to jerk me awake, and I realized that I was in my basement with a knife, during my little brother's sleepover party, trying to hack my arm off because I felt like the world finally broke me and how sad and lonely I was. I have no idea what the point of living is.

I think about it, you know.

I don't think I should dismiss it anymore.
JustLazyLittleMe JustLazyLittleMe
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 18, 2013

I hope you don't dismiss it anymore- get some help, it's out there.
The way you wrote this post is beautiful, it's almost a poem. I think the world could use your talent and there might be some happiness for you.

Thank you. I've been doing better, revisiting posts and thanking those who took the time to comment. It has been suggested that I write to sort out my thoughts, and I think I finally found something I'm good at. Thanks:)