Well, life hits me again like a baseball bat in the jaw. No, I didn't lose a family member or my dog, it's just that in the end of the day, when I have nothing more to do, I start thinking about stuff. Thinking about what happened to me today, what could've been the day if I did something different. Well at moments like these I tend to see the whole picture of life. Yeah, it's like I ascend over the world and see it for what it is. And I realize, that it doesn't f*ckin matter. Nothing does! I'm going day after day, trying to improve myself and for what? For my dreams? For my future? Now let me think what is the future I want. Hmm...let's see, I want just a normal life with a normal wife, kids, and the work for which I'm studying now (teacher). Well I ask myself why? Ok, lets say i'm gonna get married, i'm gonna have kids, I'm gonna do what I like, but in the end it doesn't matter, because i'm gonna die. isn't that stupid. We live for a future full of...nothing?

"Why people struggle through life, if the end is the same?" I always ask myself this question and I seem to be doing this a lot. A few weeks ago I even wrote a speech for a speech contest and the topic was, "The eternal battle" ("Eien no tatakai"- the original japanese title) So in this speech I was talking about the same thing. We live and struggle trough each day "fighting" with every obstacle, trying to reach our future.  This thing can't leave my head. When I think about doing something worthwhile I am always being stopped by this, and in my head pops up the question "What the hell are you doing? You don't need this, remember it doesn't matter.".  Some time ago I even had suicidal thoughts. I decided to put an end to this torture, for me and for the people around me, because I thought that I was not torturing only myself, but I felt like i'm a burden for my parents. Well here I am, obviously still alive and kicking, only thanks to the things that changed me after I moved out from home to study in University. Maybe I found the meaning of life? No, this is not the case, I just got distracted. Distracted by the new things in my life. I feel like a kid that was given a chore, but got distracted by a cartoon on the TV. And that's exactly what's happening to most of the people. Yeah, we get charmed by the various things that come while we walk on this road and we forget that this road leads to a dead end.

I'm still wondering what to do. Should I take a peek in the next day or just give it up.

What is your reason that keeps you going? Is it worth it?

Darkz0n3 Darkz0n3
22-25, M
15 Responses Apr 19, 2010

Love, pure and simple....I'm not in a relationship and I have no children, but I have a part to play and have many other meaningful relationships..... I have a grandmother that loves to debate with me, a mother that loves to laugh with me, nieces in nephews that continually challenge me (in a good way) a father that never forgets to texts he loves me once every week and siblings that go out of there way trying not to worry because I am on my own....and friends that help extend my it worth it I say yes....and so should you take a peek:-)

sure thats nice but everyone doesn't have those things.

Fair comment but every one has the potential to follow and work towards what they love, mine happens to be family, one of my other friends love is travel, another is singing it makes them happy and they feel fulfilled, they couldn't give 2 hoots about family. I was just trying to demonstrate a love for something is all....

Whats the point of life when it all ends the same way for us? There's no guide to life, we weren't given instructions on how to live and what's our purpose, for all we know we could be living in a computer simulation.

Its hard ..Really hard infact anything I or anybody has to say is muted by you experiences and your situation. From a stranger looking in? I would say there is sooo much to love about life, a happy marriage, a simple life, babies - happyness really. Who doesnt want to be happy?
If I were to answer, Id say if your life is designed to die, Id say take it as a challenge. What can you do with the time you have left? When I think about death I think of my siblings my family my goals and dreams.. and they make me angry. The will to struggle and fight wanes, pushing me down, till utter nothing becomes a bliss. Something I want. Its just not worth it! The wonder of what could happen if I live? Could things change? Could I make them?
You sound smart, really smart, probably a deep thinker. Some one with a voice and an amazing writer. I would love to know what your studying and all the reasons why. Theres excitement in what your doing not just distraction, again I dont fully know what going on probably never will. I hope things get easier to deal with thinking about suicide is one of the worst feelings in the world, but it means atleast the way I think and feel, that you care.

This is what keeps me going.

Humans are animals. An animal's goals are to keep it's species going. The only thing that we humans are doing different from other animals is that we try to better ourselves, our species.

The reason that keeps me going is my boyfriend (my bestfriend before hand), and he's made every day of my life worth living, and we've made plans so that our future is just as worth striving for.

This life is all a test, do not flunk it. do not cheat life will not be an easy test, but a greater good will be it's reward. now do yourself a favor and please stop thinking the way you do. there is reason in everything,

it is worth it to live to be happy to help to love to work to do everything thos things that you dont even like it matters becuse you want it suicid is one way out but its the only way out thats never coming back if you decide to kill yourself well you said that you think about your day try to think of your life insted if you kill yourself think about you family your friends the feeling they would get if you comited suicide thiking that they had something to do with your suicide how would they feel but if you want to die i dont say dont do it its your choise but i think you need to think more about it adn if you do that plz contact me and let me know how you feel after that if you still want to die or if you want to do all those things that makes you happy maybe you family your friends girlfriend go fishing i dont know but think more about it and let me know and remember its all worth it and it all matter

I have the exact same thoughts. Even if we choose to stay for any reason, what is the purpose? Consciousness is both a blessing and a curse. We are no different from any other living organism on this planet, except that we have the ability to question existence. That isn't to say other animals don't, but humans are equipped for life in a unique way... Sometimes I feel like as a collective whole, our development is still infantile. So far it seems the meaning to intelligent life is allowing everything to be a learning experience. But I can't help to question, for what? In relation to all that exists, we are less than a fraction of a blemish on the face of the universe(s). What really trips me out is wondering how in fact we came to be.. We are essentially what was a primordial mixture of Hydrogen and Helium that (speculatively) evolved for so long it began to ask these very questions. There could have been nothing, but here we are. Intense. I think that's what keeps me going most days. Wanting to find out. Perhaps subconsciously, that's the driving force for us all to continue in life.


Your meaning is in your son. Be proud.

I'm here to tell you that it's all BS, every bit of it. Don't think for 1 minute that having kids and all that is going to make you happy. It won't. Believe me. They may be cute but they grow up fast and then they hate you. Eventually you will lose everything that you love and you will be left with nothing..absolutely nothing. Don't even bother looking at religion b/c that's a lie too. Just have fun any way you can. That's all there is. There is no point to any of this. It's all just BS. You live and you die. What happens in between is pretty much a matter of just trying to find a little pleasure or peace somehow. So do whatever makes you feel good..just don't hurt anybody. I am 60 years old and I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

this life... Is a test, a test for something greater. You may be older than me but you are still young in the soul, this is all for a greater purpose. that is our reason for being here. there is something beyond our understand out there that set this into place, I know that for a fact. I first had thoughts like these, and you know what, pass the test, by living and helping others, my selfless. You sound like you had a hard and long test. but with children that is not the case. many are blinded from the truth. so forgive them please. you have the wisdom of a life time, but I have a knowledge of many life times. so please don't be so naive..

Well Miss. Lostone, aren't you a happy camper. Don't try and keep people down. Life is a trial, a test of emotional, mental, and spiritual strength (and no I don't mean religious). Life is different for everyone, thus, their life, different than yours. Maybe kids and marriage will make them happy, maybe that's all they need. But please, don't try and tell everyone that living their life is meaningless, because even if that's not what you meant to say, it's what's implied. Many humans base their lives on their religion because they want or need something to believe in (yes it can be stupid, but it's their choice.) I'm not saying what you said is wrong, life can suck, and it does most of the time. But once you think everything in between is worthless, or just to pass the time, that's truly when your life is over.

Very well said. I agree 100%

What is your reason that keeps you going? Is it worth it?<br />
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Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok , it's not the end.

I think everyone has a reason and a purpose, but I don't think everyone was meant to have a good life. I've been thinking a lot about it lately.<br />
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Some people just get lucky. They're born into loving families, get everything they need, and go on to have wonderful lives. For other people, they're screwed from the very beginning, and nothing they do or try to be happy ever works out.<br />
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I'm one of those people. I simply have really, really, really bad luck. I was raised being bullied and abused, both in and outside the home, I thought when I grew up, it would be my chance to have a family and be loved. My attempts to be loved led me from one abuser to the next. The bullying never stopped either, I've been cybermobbed for the better of at least 2 years now. I'm pretty sure the person behind it is one of my previous abusers and some girl he found. <br />
I'm sure if they've found me here they're whooping it up, celebrating getting what they wanted.<br />
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I think it has to do with Karma. Not the silly *** for tat that most people think it is, but in a wider sense. Like why was I born into such a crappy life in the first place? Why did all those things happen? <br />
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I think it's for the lucky people, the sense of balance. If everyone could have love and a great life, there wouldn't be anything special about it, it wouldn't be worth anything. Somebody has to get the shaft. I do what I can to be happy with what I have, I'm not jealous of the lucky people, I still try to be a good person. Maybe next time around I'll be one of the lucky ones. For now, life is pretty predictable, and I don't see the point of waiting it out.<br />
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Not that I'm going to do anything, I just don't care anymore. I'm ready for it to be over. In a short while I'll be homeless, so I'm guessing it will happen then.

You seem to have got a pretty good grasp on the truth of the matter. I'm like you, born under a bad sign I guess. I was abandoned by my parents at early age. That put me on the path to self loathing and it has never ended. Like you, I can only hope it will be over with soon and better luck next time, as they say. Hope you're okay. Good luck.

Listen i can't say that I understand life just that it sucks I'm only thirteen and I have suicidal thought I've planed my suicide but I ran into this site and I thought that if some one on this site could be my friwnd and just care about me then maybe just maybe I could keep living but this is probly a hope that won't come true all well if no one cares then its over

I had about the same feeling a few years ago. I felt so ******* useless and I understood that I hit rock bottom at exactly that moment. <br />
I guess that irght now im at the point where my life goes like a roller coaster, right now im really low again. <br />
Moms asked me one time if i do see any positive things in life at all. I cant really answer that because the past is holding me back. <br />
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So I basically have very little joy in life but I dont want to end it either?

I like you. You make sense

I do what I love to do, and I dont watch tv anymore....I do rent movies. I work on my vocation and love it, if you feel life is pointless, why dont you just volunteer to help people part a shelter or something, at least that will feel worthwhile:)..updating my answer, i forgot to add, I do understand your thinking process, but, I dont feel that life is a struggle, as you do, not that bad, ive had some really tough ones too, I see it as a challenge to look forward to, and at times Ive deliberately created less in my life, so that it would quiet down a bit...either need to be able to go through life in peace more and find enjoyment, I dont see anything in what you write, that you enjoy, and that makes me laugh out loud, is there anything like that? There should be, or hopefully you will find that:)>..It is worth it, dont give up...take a peek at the next day and try to make something or some time about your days just the way you like it!:)