I guess I never thought about writing about my problems or posting them for the public to see for that matter..but I feel like writing is my way of treating a problem..

It started about two years ago when I came home from visiting my dad in Europe. He is such a fantastic cook that I couldn't resist his great creations of food that tasted like heaven. I was there for two months and had gained about twenty pounds from simply living in bliss aka being lazy, drinking, partying, and eating... I didn't really notice the weight until I took a good look in the mirror. I felt so fat...five foot five and 150 was horrifying. I was in complete denial until I got off the plane and my mom said I looked like I had been eating a great deal and had some extra weight on me.

A few weeks later, my mom took me to a modeling and acting agency where I was to audition and light the room with my witty and charming personality. The director of the agency said that I should lose 15 pounds....because that is the social norm for people in the industry. We are supposed to be barbie dolls and look perfect for the eyes of all to see...

I fell into a depression. I felt ashamed. I felt Insecure. I felt fat. I was responsible. I love food and that is my weakness.

And suddenly it became so easy to just purge.....
It became a daily habit. Exercise. Eat. Purge. Exercise. Eat. Purge.

Eat. Purge. Eat. Purge.

2 years is a habit I would like to "purge" but I fear the weight that will come back...

2 years one knows...

2 years later....the depression has only worsened.

128 pounds..and I look in the mirror...I am more insecure than ever.

anonymousfriend195 anonymousfriend195
18-21, F
Dec 13, 2012