I Am A Fat, Emotional Eater And Recently Realized That I Am A Shopaholic.

I have finally accepted that I am fat and unhealthy. Additionally, I am an emotional eater and find it extremely difficult to stop eating. At times I actually shove as much food as possible in my mouth in the shortest amount of time possible just so I can "forget" that I just ate.

 I would rather eat, and eat and eat instead of feeling the rage I have inside. Why? Because I am not in a position to do anything about my anger. I am filled with deep anger because I hate worrying each month about rent and paying the bills. I know I could do something about this such as work more, but then from past experience, the father of my son chooses to work less--he gets to accept or not accept jobs--and then I get pissed off. 

Ah, yes, I could meditate or look at my problems in a different light. I could surely count my blessings. But the fact is this: I am angry. And I am proud to finally be at a point where I can accept that I am angry and I can state that I am angry. Most of my fat--over eating-- comes from me not being able to accept that in the  past that I was angry. I kept telling myself to "shove it under the rug." I kept forcing myself to let the anger go and it wouldn't go because I never dealt with my anger. I would eat my emotions away and keep quiet to keep the peace in the house. 

I am angry that I am still too afraid to leave the father of my son because I think that life will be harder away from him than with him financially. I would save $200 a month if a stay with him. And I need him to watch our son sometimes so that I can do paperwork without having to stop every few minutes. Last, but not least, I can't envision not putting my son to bed EVERY night.

I am not mature enough for joint custody at this time. I can't, at this time, believe that he is going to do fine at daddy's house. I don't know what to do about this. I want to leave at some level, but at another level I am afraid I will go into a deep depression if I only get to see my son every other week or whatever it is that people do when they share custody.

Yes, I want full custody, but it is important for the dad to see our son, too.
What can I do? 
I don't know. I am just upset.


lisaandshasta123 lisaandshasta123
41-45
Jan 22, 2013