I'm Trying.

I started going to church when I was twelve.  My mother had issues with church, so she didn't go for years, but my grandmother took me.

I believed in God when I was younger.  I would usually pray when I was scared.  My mother had a special prayer she made us do when we had an especially bad hurricaine or bad storm...

I think I lost my faith the more I went to church, or maybe it was just the older I became.

My questions were, of course, all on the negative.  If God is real, why does he let all of these bad things happen?  If God is real, why is this happening to me?

By the time I reached confirmation, I was just going to church to get it out of the way.  My mother had promised me that I didn't have to go to church again after confirmation.  I think I've been once since then, on the mass dedicated to my grandfather who passed last year.

I believe I've taken the wrong approach to faith my entire life.

It's not about the things that go wrong... It's about the things that go right.

God can't control everyone and everything that they do.

He didn't make my father drink.

He didn't make the other kids hate me....

He didn't make my grandfather pass away.

However.... He did give me life.

He gave me the opportunity to live life in whatever way I wanted.

He put me in a loving family.

and... well...

This is going to sound corny and stupid... but...

My life started a downhill slope around September 08.

... I met my boyfriend a year(ish) previous, and we started dating July 08.

The things that happened.... My father went to jail.  We lost our house.  We lost my grandfather.  ... All during my Senior year of high school.

School pressure, home pressure, and the crushing grief of losing my Papa...

I could never have gotten through any of that without him.

... I don't think that was a coincidence.

The chances of finding someone so sweet and gentle, who was willing to listen to me cry about everything night after night, hour after hour... Someone who my heart really clicked with... right when I needed them... that's maybe 1 in a million.



I don't think it was a coincidence...

I think God gave him to me just when I need him.

Almost two years now, still going strong.

... and I thank God for him every day.

 

I still have some issues with my faith, and with church...

But I'm working on them.

 

 

I'm getting there.  I'm finally getting there.

Truli Truli
18-21, F
Mar 3, 2010