PowerlessIn October, I met this young lady who turned out to be the most amazing friend that I could ever ask for. I'm more closer to her than any of my relatives. She's such a wonderful person and I'm happy to have her friendship. Now, in this friendship, I feel powerless.
As I'm in class, waiting for it to start, I'm thinking it's going to be a normal day. I'm waiting for my friend to come. Class is pretty boring without her. It's usual that she's late (she's late everyday). Therefore, I thought nothing of it. As class is reaching it's halfway point, it starts to get a little odd. She's still not there. As I mentioned earlier, it's usual that she's late, however, it's very unusual that she's doesn't show up at all. Class ends. "Okay, maybe she'll be in the next class." The next class starts and ends and she's still not there. I become a little worried. My heart starts pounding and I began hoping that nothing had happened to her.
Fast forward to later that day and I get a text from her. I let out sigh of relief knowing that she's okay. However, I began to read the text and it said "Well, I'll be dropping all of my classes..." (this is only a two-line preview of the full text)
(Talking to myself) WHAT!! WHY!!
After the all the prepping we went through to get ready for this semester, she's dropping her courses. She seemed pretty dedicated and she set a goal of getting all 'A's. It was a bit shocking. It took us forever to get the courses we had. We had finally gotten the courses that we wanted and now, she dropping them?
".... My uncle passed away and I will have to go home to bury him. I feel completely numb right now." (the rest of the text)
I read that and my jaw dropped, my eyes swelled and there was a huge gasp.
(Talking to myself) Oh my god. I'm so sorry.
I text her back immediately.
My instinct told me call her immediately, ask her where she was, and go there. However, before I could press that call button, something stopped me. It was this feeling of powerlessness. I've never felt so bad in my life. Knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can say or do to take away (or at least minimize) her pain tore me up inside.
There I was pacing around my house, speechless. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I felt absolutely horrible. I knew I had at least to call her to check on her. What friend wouldn't do that? However, there was such an overwhelming anxiety with every attempt to press that call button.
Eventually, I call her to express my condolences. Her voice was weak. She sounded as if she was shaken. Hearing her voice like that ripped my heart out. All wanted to do is hold her and say how sorry I am that this had to happen.
It absolutely sucks to know that all I can do is feel as horrible, and as sorry I do.
It's the worse feeling ever to know that you're powerless.