What Is It Worth?

I honestly believe I am worthless. And I prove this with almost all of my actions.

Even by writing this I am proving what I am. I mean I shouldn't need to do this. I shouldn't need to cut myself, I shouldn't need to do anything thats as selfish and self obsessed as what I do. I'm pathetic. What is my life worth? How as it figured in the grand scheme of things?
Whats the point of it if I do nothing worthwhile with it. All I do is sit and mope about what I may or may not do. Beat myself up over past mistakes, over things I'm unmotivated to do. Dredge up memories of when I've been humiliated and degraded and run them over and over again in my head. Remind myself of why I'm worthless and pathetic.

Even my self harm doens't erase this. It just spurs me to do it again and again because I'm ultmatley just thinking about myself.Then when I can't take this I self harm again. Starting the cycle over.
A pointless and worthless existence. I wish it had never happened and I could erase both myself and my memory from peoples minds. Then I'd have never lived to begin with.
AgeonAngel AgeonAngel
2 Responses Jul 22, 2010

You are not worthless. Do you not see that you realize what you are doing. You just wrote down all of your problems and admitted them. This is the first step to fixing them. Only you can change yourself and you have just started. Sure, it doesn't seem like it, but with the right motivation and some support you'll be priceless. Of course this is only if you choose. People choose what value their own lives will be. If you choose to be worthless then you will be, but you do not have to be. Change is never impossible.

I feel the same way...and im 42...<br />
*hugs* I see the bus coming for me....