I Do Not Deserve Life

I am a worthless piece of ****. I have no redeeming qualities, and I waste other's time and resources. I am fat, ugly, and I have no social skills. I have only had few people love me. Two only because we are family, and one because he is my best friend. My mother didn't even love me, and abandoned me. I have never had a female love me. No girls have ever kissed me, or never held my hand. I've never even had a girlfriend. I am Bipolar, yet I am almost constantly in a depressed state. Rarely am I in a state of mania, and even if I am, it is very short. Other people are superior to me, and I shouldn't have been born. My mother wised to abort me at first, and my father had to convince her not to. She didn't want me, and still doesn't want me. Even one of the only people I feel happy around, my best friend, I feel inferior to. I love him, and he does love me back, but his **** is larger than mine, he actually has had a girl that likes him, he has a loving family with a mother and father who care for him, and his family has much more money than mine. I truly am a worthless person who was born for no reason.
AtomicCorn2 AtomicCorn2
22-25, M
2 Responses Jun 19, 2012

Thanks for sharing. I feel the same way a lot. You have good reasons to feel the way you do. That is so hurtful what your mom did/does to you. You were raised with such lack of love. The fact that you are still around is a HUGE accomplishment. That's what I tell myself when I feel worthless (or atleast sometimes I tell myself that)

Thank you for commenting. I understand how you feel, and I am glad I am getting the opportunity to speak to you. Yes, you're right, my mother hurt me much more than most others, but I am glad my father and grandfather love me, otherwise, I wouldn't be here. Thank you, that actually does help. I'm sorry that you feel worthless, and I wish you have more luck in your life. I'm glad I have the opportunity to speak to you.

I read your profile. Like you, I am agnostic, so I am not commenting with some holier than thou message. But every life is valuable, and so is yours. Being bipolar is surely making your life and feelings of self-worth challenging. As someone who struggles with severe anxiety, I urge you to continue taking your meds. Are you able to see a therapist?<br />
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Have you considered adopting a dog? It would give you something to love and someone to love you unconditionally. Its life would be your responsibility and you would need to love, feed, groom and exercise it. Plus, walking an adorable dog is a sure-fire way to meet girls! <br />
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I know how easy it is to sink into depression. The feelings in your heart and mind can be overwhelming. Without much family support, you will need to have the strength and courage to do this on your own, but I believe you can. Read some of the pet posts and research breeds to find a kind and size of dog that fits your lifestyle.<br />
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I'll keep checking your posts...

Thank you for commenting on my story and talking to me. I have to say- it means a lot to me. Thank you for the advice on taking my meds, but, I decided not to because my father is also bipolar, and when he took his meds, he didn't act like his usual, lively self. Ever since seeing that, I decided I didn't want to take me. I probably should take them, and I will consider it more.

I actually had a dog a few years back. I loved her. She was an American Pit-bull Terrier. I loved her so much, and I still do. A few years back, she died from old age since I got her when she wasn't a puppy. I miss her dearly, and ever since her death I couldn't handle to get a new dog. Now that I think about it, it is probably time to see about getting a new dog. Also, that last part in the middle paragraph made me smile.

You are completely right there. I find this strange, but sometimes when I feel really bad, I actually feel a painful sensation in my chest. I may not have much family support, but I am glad I have my dad and grandfather, as well as my best friend. Thank you for the encouragement for believing in me. I really should probably get a new dog. I've always thought about having a German Shepherd, personally, but there are other breeds I could consider.

Thank you. I am glad someone reads them.

Hi! You're my first connection here at Exp. Project. I'm glad you read my reply and felt good about it. I know the incredible pain of losing a dog -- my first died at age 15 -- and it was beyond heartbreaking. But do consider getting another dog. A dog who needs your love and care. You are very literate and write well. You are able to talk about your feelings. Clearly you're intelligent and sensitive. Are you working or going to school? What are your interests? Take care of yourself!

No problem. I'm glad you wrote a well thought out reply, and were sincere. Yea, it is worse than heartbreaking, but I shall. Thank you, I strive to be literate. Thank you, I was, and still am, told by many that I am intelligent. To be honest, I am actually younger than my profile age. I once put my real age on a profile on a website, but was actually discriminated for it, so I always set my age up higher on websites. My real age is 14.

Well, a few of my interests are- Program scripting, writing, spriting, gaming, history ( specifically World War 2 and Vietnam ) Roleplaying, anime ( my favorite being Neon Genesis Evangelion ) and much more. I like much different music than other teenagers around me. Some bands I like are: System of a Down, Rammstein, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Tool, The Inkspots, Metallica, Megadeath, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Manowar, Hatsune Miku, Bob Crosby, Roy Brown, and many, many more. What about you? Can you tell me about a few of your interests and favorite bands?