Here Is The Prologue!!

Prologue

Since the beginning of humanity, the Clan existed in their city, an enormous tangle of streets and buildings, ever growing, ever expanding. The archives stretched back centuries, millennia, recording the actions of the Clan since the beginning. From the Glorious Mother and Father, creating humans form the ashes of the First Civilization, to the naming of Haven, to the events of today. Society has continued as it always did, with the birth of new generations, their occupations decided by the marks they bore at birth. From the swords and shields of the warriors, to the flames of the magicians, all paths were decided at birth. And for ages, this worked. Then the Great Evil came. A boy was born with the mark of the farmer, and he was named Marcus. For years he toiled at the plow, learning the trade that he would ply for the rest of his life, as he watched from the fields the lives of all those who lived in the city. How he envied them, and with this envy the first seeds of evil were planted. He thirsted for something more than a life on the farm, he thirsted for power. He was dissatisfied with his life, and he blamed the mark on his skin, the scythe, as the source of his problems. He told himself he was destined for greater things, that he was destined to rule. He gathered others who also felt slighted by the destiny their marks had chosen for them, they felt slighted for having a lifestyle thrust upon them instead of having the freedom of choice. They gathered in numbers, few at first, then many, the number growing at each secret meeting, and finally, with an army at his back, Marcus attacked. He led his ragtag group of shopkeepers and mages, warriors and scribes, to the arsenal. They encountered no resistance, the guards scheduled for that night turned and opened the door, letting the hundred or so dissenters surge forward to take arms and armor. They then hurried through the town to the Hall of the People, where the Leader of the Clan slept with the rest of the leaders. Once there, the burst into the foyer, expecting no resistance, free to slaughter the leadership of the clan and take power, to free their brethren from the shackles of destiny, but they were betrayed. One of their number was not whom they said they were, and he told the Leader of Marcus’s plot. A trap was laid and the Elite Guard stood ready, and a slaughter ensued. The resistance was crushed and Marcus fled the city with fewer than 20 of his followers still alive. He swore that he would be back and take what was rightfully his. That took place over two thousand years ago, and that tale is still told to the children of the clan as a warning, to show the folly of fighting their destiny. The Clan lives as it always did, until the day, almost 16 years ago, when a child with the mark of the dragon was born, a mark not seen in recorded history, almost five thousand years. The boy’s name was Zen.


Any and all comments and criticisms are welcome!
DarkSoulVa DarkSoulVa
18-21
3 Responses May 17, 2012

I agree that this is more of a summary of back-history and setting than a prologue. Most of what you've told us would be best presented as back-history, included in the first few chapters as you introduce your main character, setting, and begin developing your plot.<br />
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Don't trash what you have. It isn't useless. I have tons of text that I have on file that I fleshed out a little to get a feel for where I want to go with certain segments of my book. If this was my book, I'd file what you've posted in a folder labeled "Back-history and setting notes". I have a number of folders where I file certain things: Character notes, setting notes, back-history notes, and other notes that I can reference to refresh my memory about people, places, and things in the world that I am creating and sharing with others through my story. It particularly comes in handy if you are working on more than one manusc<x>ript at a time. I often pause in working on the rough draft of my novel to let thoughts about my novel simmer while I'm outlining or rough drafting a short story that pops into my head. Your notes helps you refresh your memory and find your groove again when you get back to drafting your novel. It also helps keep track of important continuity details so your characters don't spontaneously change eye-color or some other characteristic on you halfway through the story. LOL!<br />
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You might also consider not having a prologue, and just starting the story with your first chapter. Many of my favorite authors never use prologues or epilogues. They are "straight chapter" writers, who skillfully weave in back-history and setting as they progress in the story line. Most of them will tell you that the best way to figure out how you want to do this, is to take a few days to create a chapter-by-chapter outline for the novel. The outline serves as the skeletal structure that you will flesh out with prose after you've outlined your story. That way, you know from the beginning where your story is going, how your story ends, and makes it easier to make the beginning and ending tie together in a smooth fashion that engages the reader's attention more fully. Trying to write without an outline is a fast way to find yourself writing yourself into a box and having to delete chapters and start over to get out of the box.<br />
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Considering your age and level of writing experience, you have some good basic skills going for you, but need some improvement in certain areas to help you be a better story teller. To help you see what I mean, I'd like you to take the time to do a little exercise with what you have written. Go through and read it out loud to yourself. By doing so, you'll pick up on your typos and errors in sentence structure better. One example is: "From the Glorious Mother and Father, creating humans form the ashes of the First Civilization, to the naming of Haven, to the events of today. Society has continued as it always did, with the birth of new generations, their occupations decided by the marks they bore at birth." [You typed "form" instead of "from", and your spell check didn't pick it up because it's not able to detect context to know that you made a typo.] <br />
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I also picked this section as an example, because as you read aloud while appropriately pausing at the commas and periods, you'll find that you made an error in sentence structure that made the first sentence an incomplete sentence. A more correct version of this section could read as follows: "From the Glorious Mother and Glorious Father who created humans from the ashes of the First Civilization, to the naming of Haven and the events of today, society has continued as it always did - their descendants' occupations established by the marks they bore at birth." [There are a number of ways to structure this sentence so that it ties together in a flowing sentence structure that doesn't leave conveyed thoughts incomplete and distract the readers attention by making them do your editing for you to try to figure out what you meant to say.]<br />
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What you have shared with us shows that you have a good story idea, and also the imagination to make it a great story for your readers. If I was to take your story idea and run with it, I'd make it a first-person novel with Zen telling the story and written in a straight-chapter format. I'd need to decide where I want to begin Zen's story: his age, setting, and what is going on with him. From there, I can figure out how to immerse the reader into his world to live Zen's story with him. If you'd like to see a good example of a straight-chapter writer who is very skilled at immersing the reader and smoothly working in back-history and world setting, read Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files" novels. Even if it's not the same genre of writing that you are going to work in, the mechanics of his story telling can give you a good example to work from to better convey your story. <br />
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You have more than just the potential of a great novel here; you have the potential for a great series of novels ba<x>sed off of this main character and his world. You have a lot of promise as a writer, and what it will come down to is if you have the patience and the drive to work on the mechanics of your writing. I've offered some constructive criticism and some ideas for you to consider about how to tell your story.<br />
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I'd like to leave you with one more important word of encouragement. Every author that you talk to will tell you that they have a trunk full of manusc<x>ripts that they've written and stored for later. Stephen King began his "Dark Tower" series when he was a young writer, and set his rough draft of "The Gunslinger" novel aside for years because he knew that he didn't have the experience and skills yet to do the series that he envisioned the justice that it deserved. He went back to it as an older, more experienced writer, and from that first novel that he'd done in his youth and stored away, he created the "Dark Tower" series that he justifiably calls his magnum opus of his writing career. I have two novels that I've written rough drafts of and filed away for later, and wrote them as practice for novel writing. They were not a waste of my time. I learned a hell of a lot by writing them, and they will be revisited and reworked later because I think that they are great stories. They served as the learning ground for the novel I am working on now, and plan to try to have published.<br />
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Please keep writing. I honestly think that you have a gift for it, have the potential to be a great writer, and that all you need is what all writers need to develop their craft - practice, practice, and a butt-load of more practice. My most important advice to you is to read what you have written aloud as part of your editing. Nothing shows the flaws in sentence structure and flow like hearing it read aloud. As you hear the flaws, it trains your mind not to repeat them as you draft your prose, and it makes you able to write faster and better with less editing needed after your rough draft. :-)

WOW! I await the release of the Movie!<br />
Seriously, I love fantacy type books and movies.

This seems more like the summary of your story instead of a prologue. Just a friendly suggestion, put spaces between paragraphs. Give room for your readers to take a breath. Don't just blow everything to them in one shot. <br />
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A prologue is something that gives an aura of mysteriousness. Don't narrate everything. Put a little dialogue. Don't squeeze everything in one page or so. Try to leave your readers wanting to know more about the story. Don't explain everything in the prologue. It kinda leaves a bad impression when you give away the story so easily.<br />
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But you have a great plot. :)<br />
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Just make little edits on it.

I Agree. Prologue is best written by an Editor or a Creative writer. An editor is the wife of an Author, and is usually difficult to find one, so you should try as many, even if it gets to pay them.