Sealed In A Casket ..year 6

Age 6 going by this year by year seems hard but it's better because I don't wanna back track.
My 1st day of 1st grade. Not fun at all. When a child enters 1st grade everyone should be friendly. But not to me ,the kids were liars, would try to hit me when ever never really got better but now looking back the kick in the butt was the teacher.She did nothing and I think I figured out around half way through that year when I got 4th ticket home for talking on the bath room that no one was on my side. One day another teacher from some reason was in the bathroom he stood behind the space and said nothing no one noticed. So we came from the bathroom once again I got written up and told I was going to get a note home. I was pissed the whole day so I stood in the corner and read a book because if didn't I would get reported again for no bothering the other students.
So I sat and read my little book.Suddenly she was behind me she grabbed me by the arm and pulled me over with the other students and said try paying attention. The other teacher saw the whole thing and said hey you can't do that to a child and she said I am always having trouble with this one. I asked myself what trouble. I never speak, I do my home work, I felt dead inside.
She said well I am sending him home with a letter about him not paying attention, and talking in the bath room he said what 1st time someone stood up for me. He said he was not talking in the bath room I was there because I heard that some student were cursing and I assure you this boy said not one word but your other students have filthy mouths. She looks at me and rolled her eyes and said he is far from innocent and he said to her this is a child if he is as bad as you say he is he will show it sooner or later but for now all I see is a student trying to get out of a bad moment. She looked off and he walked out and she began to read. I was scared every time she looked at me she seemed mad. Nothing changed at the end. She at the end of the year said I will never amount to anything because I am a bad little boy and they all end the same. I was scared so scared that I jammed a pencil in my hand so I could leave. She sent me to the nurse and that was the last day of 1st Grade.

Meanwhile at home.
My mom and dad were having a horrid divorce. Every time I saw them they were fighting. In the end he stop showing up for everything. We had nothing we were dirt poor I ate but mom didn't that hurt to see. My older sister who lived with us took off to live with her father. Which was fine but it hurt my mom and the child she brought home this little girl now 4 years old was I guess a nice derision. To me she was evil, everything she did I was my fault, everything to messed up was my fault. Add that and school I was not happy & no one was happy with me.
Around the middle of the year I started wetting the bed. My mom was disgusted but I could not help it. I was cared still kinda but the 1st time my mom needed my help and she asked me to look for her rent money. Not sure where it went she asked me like always but she knew I would never steal. She asked me to look around the house. Something told me to look in the my sister/nieces back pack ... and there it was, half of it anyways she had candy and books and all kinds of stuff. I told my mom and she asked where did you get all that stuff . she looked at her and said from school. My mom said you are getting a spanking and she did and called it. No one wanted to know why a little girl was spending so much money. No one cared truth of the matter is this was a long list of future events and she got away with everyone of them. I never did anything really but I did get blamed for all of them and in the end that broke me, that year broke me.
I learned that no matter what. I will always be treated like ****. Never good enough always runner up. Can be betrayed but can never seen. Very few people will be there for me and to be honest I have long since be tired of fighting. So yeah.

NsprDash NsprDash
26-30, M
Sep 12, 2012