All Out Of Words
I am writing this for you. At least I am trying, but all my words fall flat. I have few words to say all that I wish.
I wish I had had the strength to let go of all this that ties me in place. I wish I had not been so selfish, and encouraged you to move so soon.
I wish I had listened more when you talked about how worried you were. The doubts you had.
I'm writing this, as I have written you so many times in recent months. The others I burned, and set the ashes on the wind...perhaps the smoke and the winds carried the words and thoughts to you. I have this hole in me right now, and at times it is filled by demons of doubt and rage.
I still look for you, at the end of the day. I glance at your 'place' when I watch tv, alone. Sometimes..I almost see your shadow.
I am trying to write...I am trying, just for you. But does any of this matter? Do you wait for me? Is it you who rattles the cups, and sits with me in the dark?
Or is it only my own steps, heavy on the floor ?
I am out of words, and many days feel I am out of touch, perhaps a little out of time. It was just yesterday. No..it was months ago. No..it was a life time ago.
I feel dazed, still. You are here...but I am alone. Will it all come right? Do I care if it does?
I am writing this for you, because it is all I can do.