Continued

School wasn’t so bad. Everyone knew, and made sure I knew it. Lots of jokes, the friendly kind. I know it will blow over, sex isn’t a big deal, nobody really cares. This goes on all week, but I don’t pay much attention to it. When people ask me how he was, I tell them I don’t remember, when they ask how big, I say I don’t remember. I tell them I wish it didn’t happen, but it did, so im moving on. I laugh with everyone, as there isn’t much else I can do. On Friday, a friend decides to enlighten me on what he has been telling people. It was a bloody mess apparently, not shocking seeing as it was my first time, but apparently disgusting and hilarious to him. Then I heard he said im disgusting, which hurt but I’ve heard much worse so I laugh and say its kind of ironic seeing as hes the real **** here. Then I hear he told people im the biggest regret of his life. This hurts more than anything anybody has ever said to me. I lost my virginity to this guy, and it didn’t even matter that much to me. I brushed it off, and didn’t tell anybody details about the experience. I tried to remain friends with him because I don’t think a drunk mistake should prevent people from talking to eachother. He is meaningless to me, but the comment meant everything. How could drunk sex be the biggest regret of a persons life? Especially since he’s ****** every girl in this town. There must be something seriously wrong with me. I try to think what it is. My whole life I’ve struggled with my self perception. I don’t find myself pretty, I think im quite annoying most of the time and I act like a boy because I feel comfortable doing so. Im awkward, and embarrassing and sometimes gross. But I know a lot of girls just like me. So what is it about me that makes him say im the biggest regret of his life? I must be way more ugly, or annoying, or embarrassing than I had ever previously thought. A lot of people don’t know what its like to think that about yourself. To realize that you’re gonna have to settle for something less than you deserve because of the way you look. Because all the normal guys see you as disgusting and not good enough. As a regret. This time I strike back, starting a rumour about the kid. ‘Apparently’, while we were engaging in intercourse, this guy asked me if I would finger him the the *******. Talk about gay, eh? This made things even between us at first, but I started to feel bad after a while, especially since he denied ever saying those things about me. Later I learned that wasn’t true, he did indeed say all the things I heard about me. I don’t feel so bad anymore. But this was just the beginning.

thatslut thatslut
18-21, F
Sep 14, 2012