Pregnant And Lonely.

19, 7 months, lonely. I was with the father for 4 years on and off. I should have known better than to let him be the father of my child.. I thought (because we always had unprotected sex) that I couldn't get pregnant. I tried to ask an O.B.G.Y.N. if there was some sort of test we could do (fertility test) and she said oh don't worry about it you're too young.. Anyway, he had another child with some one else while they were dating which I THOUGHT would make me go the opposite direction, meaning I thought I could stop loving this person, would get over this person, would want NOTHING to do with this person. wrong. we get back together and blahblah its a rollercoaster and I get pregnant and he's working nights and im alone in his apartment where I don't work, don't pay bills.. he thinks im cheating on him in his apartment. hmm. he quits his job, we have to move back to the town where we both come from. at this point I had already cut off all contact with my 'friends', who cares because they were never actual friends.. we come to my parents house, he wants to spend a lot of time with friends, family, which he has HUGE family so everyones his ******* cousin. Im thinking you gotta work on that, yea, ill work on my bitchiness.. doesn't matter how much I back off, what I do, which this is what I do: work (CLEAN HOUSES), come home, watch tv, NOT have stupid fckn social network accounts, not go out.. not do anything.. anyway, he got a couple of jobs since we moved back which he quit, now he wants to be a 'tattoo artist'... this isn't the time for dreams man. im working my *** off to buy my daughter boxes of diapers and wipes.. clothes.. he comes over here on drugs! which I used to do too, obviously before I got pregnant. I changed my whole life. not FOR this child, but because I shouldn't have been doing that **** in the first place but damnit, that whole 'girls mature faster than boys' thing is bullshit. he's 22, im 19, and im alone. and I hurt all the time.. I have no outlets.. im not going to be the person I was before this pregnancy.. i wish he loved me as much as i love him. regardless of the situations we out OURSELVES in, i wish he just realized some things are WRONG and yea, the right thing is HARD to do, but its WORTH it. and i sit here and cry sometimes and read about how it only gets worse after you actually give birth to your child.. my sister is 25, married, has a son with her husband but he is SO absent too. whats wrong with the world? i know not everyone is fckd up, so consider yourself lucky if you don't feel lonely ALL the time..
icryalotlately icryalotlately
18-21, F
Dec 15, 2012