I Apologize Too Much
I really think its a bad habit of mine to say sorry so much. I'm not sure why. I keep saying sorry even to my counsellor. He said he would get a jar for me to put 5 cent pieces in every time i apologised. I realise that i apologise for just about everything, even though i try to work out in my mind if i need to apologise or not. I think i get worried that i might be a not so very nice person, as sometimes i can be intolerant and irritable, and it worries me when i am like that - so i try to offset how i feel and apologise instead and try to be as nice as i can.
Sometimes i can't work out who has the problem, its just not that clear, so i apologise just to be on the safe side. At other times i apologise because i just don't feel comfortable even just being somewhere - like i think people don't want me around them. I think i have to apologise for my very existence at times. And then i apologise to save 'getting into trouble" and having to feel belittled when someone points out my stupid mistake, so then i think i am protecting myself when i do that.
I think there must be a number of reasons why i apologise. Anyway, today i told my counsellor that i realise i do over apologise, and said to him that the best thing i could do for myself was to stop doing it. He said that was a good thought, and to try to see how it is for me when i stop doing it. Its not going to be easy, because its a habit of a lifetime. Its just so automatic. I read on another website that over apologising is like making myself a victim all the time. I decided tonight that it would be a good idea to research why people do over apologise so then i would know what the reasons are.
I also suffer with depression, and when i am not well, i find that my performance is not so good. And i apologise when i am like that. I really need to be a better friend to myself, because if i had a friend who was going through a rough patch i wouldn't have expectations of them, and wouldn't want them to apologise to me about anything, but i can't seem to do that for myself. So i am now going to try to be a better friend to me
