People will always tell you to be strong. People will always tell you to open up, and talk about your pain if your hurting. Quite honestly I'm tired of the contradicting orders. What does being strong even mean? To me, being strong is how well you hide the pain, how tightly you keep it locked in. In cases strength is obvious. But people are constantly mistaking strength for something it's not. I have a hard shell, at least I think I do. I hate when people see me vulnerable, though vulnerability overclouds me. It hurts, being so weak and acting so strong. I dish advice out like I have the experience to give it, like I actually know what I am talking about. I would not know strength if it smacked me across the face. I would only recognize the pain from the hit. I want people to see me, I want them to know what I'm screaming in my head. But no, I'm constantly reminded of my own outlook on myself. Why would I let them know I hurt? so they could pretend to care and pretend to want to be there for me? no, i know who I am, and I know that I'm different. So I guess this is me pretending that I'm ready for change. Truth is, I'm not appearing to be strong, I'm just stuck behind this wall, and I can't see very well anymore.