I Appreciate Honesty

I Value Honesty Even If It Hurts

By: 1Booklover510

Written on January 4th, 2013

Along with trust, I believe there needs to be honesty. The two are intertwined. If someone deliberately lies to me --I have a problem with trusting them. If a person breaks my trust, it becomes difficult to believe the things they say. Honesty hurts sometimes--a lot! However, it doesn't have to be "brutal" honesty. That has no purpose. Avoidance of being honest or "lying by omission" can be just as hurtful in the end because the truth eventually does come out, leading to feelings of betrayal.

God bless the friends or lovers who care enough to be honest about the things they feel and can express those feelings in a kind manner,

By: 1Booklover510

Age: 66-70 , Female

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50 responses

Thatguy1970sDreamgirl

I agree with you completely. Trust and honesty are extremely important to me. I believe they are both vital to any relationship. Great post!

Apr 21
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  Thank you so much! :-)
  
  Apr 21
  1 like
1Booklover510

Very upset with myself right now because despite the words I wrote above, I did exactly the opposite to a person I care very much about. I know - I am human- but there is no excuse, I should not have lied through omission to this wonderful person. I've been very graciously forgiven and for that I am very grateful. I hope I can somehow fully regain trust but I know I must earn that back. I am so sorry!!

Feb 2
1 like
southerngirl01

You expressed perfectly the way I feel. I am so glad you mentioned the "lie of omission". In my opinion it is just as bad and hurtful as a direct lie. Even if the liar says they lied not to hurt you, it actually hurts worse in the end because then there are 2 feelings of pain - the pain of the original lie and the pain of feeling betrayed.

Jan 20
2 likes
- 1Booklover510
  thanks for your comments. :-)
  
  Jan 20
  1 like
BozoBuckets

How true! I'd rather be hurt by the truth than betrayed by a lie.

Jan 19
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  glad you agree, :-)
  
  Jan 19
  1 like
VaguelyOutThere

"express those feelings in a kind manner." now that in itself carries it all.

Jan 6
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  thank you for saying that. :-)
  
  Jan 6
  1 like
- VaguelyOutThere
  :-)
  
  Jan 6
  1 like
Sungirl3

I appreciate sincere honesty done in a tasteful way. But if someone deliberately lies to me, I never look at that person the same way again. :(

Jan 6
2 likes
- 1Booklover510
  same here!
  
  Jan 6
  1 like
Godsvag

Love it most to hurt

Jan 6
1 like
happybutlost

Truth and honesty, yes they cannot be separated. I have a friend who would desperately like to be trusted and complains about not being trusted, and yet he continues to tell half truths, or makes promises which he doesn't keep. When caught out, he gets angry at me, and justifies himself and makes me feel as if I was the one in the wrong! It really hurts me. I have said many times to him, not to make a promise rather than not keep it, but he does not seem to understand that concept. He will happily make a promise and then react violently when caught. When he eventually says sorry, it is half hearted and is just thrown in at the end of a discussion, almost as if he knows that it's the only way to get the discussion to stop.
I have forgiven many times and have always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but it is getting to me. How can i handle this?

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  I think I would find some way to tell him it is unacceptable in as kind a way as you can. Don't allow him to let you take the blame.
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
shylamarais

I value people like you and couldn't agree more. It's a "this is me...in all my glory (might I add)" attitude. Take it or leave it!

Jan 5
2 likes
ASHPoDThePortalFur

Honesty is the best response. You don't want people to wonder if you've been truthful or not. I'm always truthful and I HATE lying. Only with my mom and dad (and teachers, as they can get me into a LOT of trouble) do I twist the truth, but never do I outright lie to them. And I don't lie to anyone else. They can't do much to me, and it's not worth losing society's trust.

Jan 5
2 likes
Jay04Sch

a thousound lies is better than honesty given with the wrong intend

Jan 5
1 like
kindacurious2

I have found this to be a great policy over the years. When breaking things off with a man, I always told them why sometimes it may have been brutal but in the end the pain was less because I was honest. Lying causes more lies and it snowballs from there.

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  it sure does. I always say lying is hard work --you have to remember what lie you told to what person. who needs that kind of stress? lol
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
fogottenangel

yeah i don't trust the liars...but i don't believe the person who say i never lie, well dude r u an angel? so there is lies acceptable , and some of them r not, so we can't lie that much to be trusted

Jan 5
1 like
- bruce123abc
  Everyone lies, sometimes, yes. Little white lies, or not telling someone something to be polite, however, as there are people who can't stop lying, there are people who don't lie.
  I'm one of them. I'm so truthfull, that I've been conned out of my life savings a manipulative ex-wife and my last ex-girlfriend.
  Some of us have grown up believing in superheros an right is always right.
  So, there are people who don't lie. Nerdy, idealistic people like myself.
  It's not entirely health though. Eventually we all have to learn to be balanced and that means learning when to tell the truth and when to protect yourself from people who would take advantage of the truth.
  We end up lacking a selfishness and a needed self preservation that is a necessary part of life.
  For me that was a long road and a hard lesson to learn.
  -----------
  The flip side, where people do lie, out of discomfort or to spare their own feelings (which is selfish), and this is where they have to learn that sometimes telling the truth may be embarrassing but it will be better for them and the other person in the long run. Less confusion and less headache.
  --------
  I understand how one would be suspicious of someone who says they never lie. Often the one who says he never lies, is the one who lies all the time.
  
  Jan 6
  1 like
- 1Booklover510
  thank you for commenting. :-) I agree we need to hold back some information when it can potentially hurt us physically or financially as you mentioned. We have to be careful who we share information with. Sad that your ex-wife did that to you though, spouses are the ones we shouldn't have to feel we have to lie to. Agree also that the one who says he never lies usually does---he doth protest too much! You are right that even when we find it embarassing, we still need to be truthful--especially with someone we love,
  
  Jan 6
  1 like
fruitfull2012

Honesty is very fare, sometimes by being honest some people can't handle the truthm But I feel where you are coming from. I say if people can't take the truth then stop doing things and saying things that makes honesty come out. If people can't handle the truth they should just cover their ears. Lol

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  lol good thought. thanks for responding!
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
DAVinThePI

Now remember here... this confession was all of your doin'. I hate to think that you might even Un-Friend me after this... but here goes.
I'm a die-hard Dallas Cowboy fan!!!!!

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  oh good grief!~ another one???? lol My granddaughter and her boyfriend are die hard fans also, they even bought a Dallas sweater for one of their cats to wear on any game day. I take great pleasure in harassing them!
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- DAVinThePI
  I just hope you realize how Difficult this is to admit... especially considering our Post-Season activity this season. Huhuhu....
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- 1Booklover510
  LOL I'm not touching that one! that would be mean since both of my favorite teams did pretty well this year (Patriots and Packers).
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- DAVinThePI
  Yeah, the Dallas squad's post-season activity will be, who will line up the hookers for "after" they watch someone Else play in the Super Bowl.
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
1 More Reply
gilpaula

bruce123 and booklover good perspective of what Honesty should be. I like to read stories like this one cause it opens my way of thinking. I'm honest, sometimes. And when I lie I might be lying to self. I go to church to try to do better., and be a better person.

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  Glad it helps! We all need that. I think we all lie to ourselves from time to time, some less, some more often. We all need to consistently make the effort to bbe honest, but we are an unfinished work--God isn't done with us yet. thanks for commenting :-)
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
lovesiick

Honesty does hurt.. I can tell u that much! I asked my husband as he began to distance himself .. I asked him 'do you love me' ? And he didn't want to answer :( so I told him to be honest even if it hurts me cus I don't want to live a lie! And he finaLly told me the truth ! That he was still in love with his ex and he never loved anybody past her. It hurt me so bad but atleast it was the truth

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  oh dear I am sorry you had to go through that pain. :( but better to know the truth than to live a lie. Hard to take comfort from that I know, ((((hugs))))
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- lovesiick
  Yes it is very hard. I stayed with him still for another week after he said that but it couldn't change what he felt and what I knew. So I left ;( I love him dearly and it hurts but thank u. Appreciate it
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- Misssue22
  So are you still together?
  I suspect my common law never has loved me - or if he does, he has a weird way of showing it (doesn't - ever). He says he does but I suspect he is lying to himself and to me.
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- Misssue22
  Lol. Just saw that last post. Do you still talk to him?
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
- lovesiick
  No were stil seperated even doe I think of him everyday but it hurts to know he's most likely trying to get back with his ex who he truly loves... And no we don't talk anymore... I tried to but no response ;/ and yeah if u got to question urself about if somebody you are with truly loves u then.. Well most likely they don't and if they do they might have a bad way of showing it.
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
2 More Replies
BornAnArtist

I am an honest person to a fault. I tell the truth and sometimes told that I am lying. sometimes i'm so blunt that i can hurt feelings. but the truth is many people lie, but there is nothing worse to me than a liar.there was one guy who would tell me the truth and sometimes the truth did hurt, yet it made me have more respect for him as a human being. I have no obliged respect for people who lie.

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  Sometimes we all get blunt--there is a fine line between hurting someone's feelings or not. I believe it's all in how we say the words--something we all need to work on! Thank you for responding!
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
LGnNC

Amen to this!

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  glad you like it !
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
bruce123abc

I've always been honest, but to a fault and that's lead me to be used, abused and blinded by the thought that absolute truth is all I needed.
I do agree that honesty, from you friends and loved ones is very important.
I finally realized that I have to be independent, strong and decisive and a big part of that is being honest with myself and believing in myself.
I just read an article on being vulnerable.
http://postmasculine.com/vulnerability-and-manipulative-women
In effect being honest with oneself and to others and being confident about it.
It's a big step in growing up, at least for me.
------------
I think a lot of people you deal with won't take responsibility for themself. They may lie out of guilt or shame of a situation and think they are sparing your feelings, (but are really just dragging a situation or relationship on longer).
Depending on who the person is, it may be that they haven't grown up yet and they don't know (or want to) take responsibility for their actions, so they lie, because it is easier for THEM. In that case, maybe let them know, gently, that you would rather be told the truth, gently, so you can make the proper decisions instead of lying or sugar coating things.
Of course if it's very serious, like constant lying (like I've had in past, manipulative, relationships), then maybe you might reconsider whether you want to be in that relationship/friendship or whether you should just move on.

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  All of what you state is very true--people do have different reasons for why they are dishonest -- a lot of it being not taking on responsibility themselves, but all the other reasons as well. thank you for your comments
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
Mrperfectstranger

very true, good way to think

Jan 5
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  thank you :-)
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
ivo13

i wish more people would put themselves into being honest like you described! it would be a better world!

Jan 4
1 like
- 1Booklover510
  i agree--it would be a much better world and prevent a lot of misunderstandings! thank you for rating up my story!
  
  Jan 4
  1 like
- ivo13
  a story like this should be rated up! thanks for posting it!
  
  Jan 4
  1 like
- 1Booklover510
  thank you! I'm glad you like it, :-)
  
  Jan 4
  1 like

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