Loathed

I am ashamed that:

- I am 30 and have nothing to show for it
- I have a hideous face and a repulsive body
- I have a disorder that makes me fat and disgusting
- I am stupid
- I push people away when they try to be nice to me
- I have been naive in the past
- I have been selfish
- I am not doing squat to make my world better because my depression cripples me
- I come from the stock of criminals and the clinically insane
SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit
36-40, F
8 Responses Jul 15, 2010

Thank you, Heiress. I wish I could see things from your pov.

girl you at least have a pose to do,. i think you should feel great.... focus on those baby blue eyes and let's see what the day has brought us.. i hate the morning after a relapse.. so yeah not a good day for me.. take care..

Thanks, Joelisa. You seem like a kind person.<br />
I tried that approach about 3 months ago. I felt great, felt so positive about life and the possibilities it held for me. I was even made great progress in learning to love myself and my body. Then my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and I realized that all I had been doing was deluding myself. I seriously am worthless and it's best for everyone if I just stay to myself.

dear friend, please try this:<br />
<br />
write another list, a list of the things in your life that ARE working. a gratitude list. write a few things everyday that you are grateful for. when focusing on the good things in your life- big and small- your problems will lose some of their hold over you. fill your life with what you love, and focus on those things. focus on you talents, not your weaknesses. you donĀ“t have to be perfect, but you deserve to be happy!<br />
take care

It's me in the picture. My nose is too big, my face is too fat, and my eyebrows are different heights naturally. I always look like I'm doing The People's Eyebrow, but that's just how they are naturally.

first is this your picture you have posted? .. i just have to know .. before i comment, well i guess let me just say that i thought you looked good and that you have beautiful eyes, but regardless say this isn't u in the picture. yeah the whole 30 thing can hem u up if u let it. i say we have the rest of our lives to get it right.. ya know. i am from the sme crap. and struggle w/ depression and all the crap. and i have everything i NEED.. now want .. but it still doesn't make the diff. so i don't know when it will happen for you or for me but man i just am glad we have the rest of our lives to get to it.. for real ya know.

I can't say that I know how you feel because I think it's kind of impossible right? But I can relate with some of what you say there - especially being 30 and having nothing, absolutely nothing to show for it.

There ain't nothing wrong with the way you feel and look !...... just learn to love yourself from your Heart and see the positive in whom you are. You Rock.