I Need A Friend.

This is my third time to tell my story on this site..but I keep being told I haven't submitted it.

I grew up in a large family.   I was one of seven children.  My father was an alcoholic and there were scary times in the house.

I was molested by my brother by age 7.  I had a boyfriend at 13 with whom I was sexually active.  I had many friends as a child and as a teenager.  My boyfriend left me for someone else at age 15.  I morn him until this day...I am 58 years old now. 

I married at age 27 to a man who was at times physically abusive and always mentally abusive.  I became a registered nurse at age 28.  My first child was born in 1979, second in 1980, and third in 1982.  I worked every weekend and stayed home during the week to care for my children.

My husband was not supportive of me in any way...be it monetary..help with chores...or with the children.  I left his bed in my late thirties.

I slept mostly in the living room.  I started drinking and had several episodes of being taken out of the house for disruptive behavior when I went into a blackout.  The latest incident with my drinking was in June of 2009..I went into a black out and called my director of nurses horrible names.  I have no recollection of doing any of these things.  At that time, the police came to my house ...They say I threatened to kill myself.  I ended up in leather restraints in a hospital ER and the next day I was flown from NJ to FLA to a rehab for 2 months.  I learned alot there.  I haven't had any alcohol since the summer of 2009...but I don't go to AA the way I was told. 

I had a few friends in my twenties.  One moved away and the other was abusive to me so I cut off the relationship.  Since that time, I have had no close friends.  I have many acquaintances in work but no real friend.  I feel stupid and boring and feel people don't like me.  I avoid getting to close to anyone but want a friend at the same time.

I just need one friend...someone to confide in and go out with once in a while....I know God has put me on this earth for some reason.

 

Much peace,

 

Dottiedsl

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dottiedsl Dottiedsl
56-60
2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

I am sorry your life has been so sucky.<br />
Sometimes venting helps a lot.<br />
<br />
AA is a huge support and help for people that need it, and you may not want to but YOU SHOULD GO!<br />
I used to go with my son because I had to sit and wait while he was there, so I sat in. You will feel so much better once you form a bond with people who are in the same situation that you are in! SOmetimes you have to MAKE YOURSELF go, because you do not want to, but it is really really a great foundation of supportive people who relate to you on your level and do not look down their noses at you. <br />
<br />
Pleasefind a way to learn to love yourself. It isn't easy when it is so foreign to you.<br />
Where you live, are there any groups you could go to that help with things like that?<br />
Can you get counseling?<br />
It helps too sometimes...<br />
If not, there is always HERE...<br />
You just met a few new friends with this post and I am one of them. :)<br />
Remember that you are a special, unique human being and there is a reason why you're here!<br />
Hugs,<br />
C

You have been through a lot, you are a strong person but everyone needs someone so if you need someone to talk to just message me.