Love The Darkness In My Heart

ive tried to die ive tried cutting my wrist, suffocating myself, drowning but they didnt work someone was always there.
Im sick of life it just feels like dejavu. What am i here for? I want to know!
I love the darkness of the night where i can be me and no one will know or see me. Im a shadow embracing the darkness and when the sun comes out im a statue. Its just tooo painful to breath. I just dont want to be here anymore.
missXbonzo missXbonzo
26-30, F
9 Responses Jul 28, 2010

I was like that for awhile, I still feel safer & more comfortable at night when I can disappear into the shadows when I want or need to. But like thadius I've taken a screw them approach, I live by the phrase "the people that matter don't mind & the ones that mind don't matter". I do pretty much what I want -there are necessities to take care of so I don't have to worry/have the means do what I want, even then I pick places I care about or can get behind to work, no evil corporations for me- have fun as often as possible & work on not regretting things. I live the way I do to spite all the haters, I've had death threats & I just kept on doing & even got a bit crazier, I love tweaking the noses of people who have problems with me, they start spouting & I do my worst to make them uncomfortable in ways that has everyone else laughing. And on the days when I'm too much of a mess to leave the house I sit back & let my reputation keep working.

i have tried as well untill i figured this out, if i end my life then every one who has harasedmy, tried to hold me back, and given me crap has won. they defeated me. i live at night they don't, i look up thing they don't care about, listen 2 music they don't like, and watch movies they could care less about. who needs them? this is my life they have no right telling me what is right or wrong in it. i am in northern Wisconsin it is 6 am and i think i am going out side to take a ****. screw any one who tries and stop me. unless they are a guy i don't do that, eeewwwwww. it your choice.

Yay a new friend lol.i haven't meet a new person since iv moved to probably doesn't help that im still battling my demons to this day and that im all alone more then ever now.where are you from?.

yes i agree!

that's ok.i completely understand in the since of similar sometimes feels like i was only put here to suffer and yet it brings a smile to my face.not entirely that im miserable and hurting but that im alive and feeling.things can only get better right?.maybe there's a lot we could learn from each other

thanks for posting your comment findmeoverthere i just feel trapped like this world is a cage and suffocating me.....

its nice in a way to know that there is someone like me in this world.i too have try multiple ways, multiple times and had someone there to find and stop sick of everything and want to be free just like you.i don't know why im posting this to you or why i continue to type as i only came here to observe but to know that iv said something to someone is my temporary relief.<br />
<br />
Find Me Over There

When you make your next suicide plan, continue on. How long will it be before someone comes looking for you? Who will find you? What impact will finding you have on them? On the rest of your family and friends?<br />
<br />
Ding Dao

yes i guess thats another reason why so far i havnt given suicide another shot at recently it'll hurt family and friends i just feel so trapped here on earth i want to be free!