I'm On Suicide Watch Now

Please, please. I don't want anyone to hurt themselves, I'm just telling my story.

Yesterday, at 11am, I swallowed two ounces of paracetamol. Paracetamol is sort of like aspirin, only twice as potent... and deadly.

2:30 PM I was rushed to the emergency room. I was nauseous, but not in much pain. Physical pain, that is. I was put in a bed and moved into an operating room, where the doctor informed me of the danger I was in. He said the dose I took could have killed three people. In my home country you can buy enough paracetamol to kill 20... At the corner convenience store.

Then, two nurses in plastic aprons came in and held my arms, and started an IV line on me; glucose, mucomyst and saline drip. I cried and screamed I wanna die. then they shoved a big plastic tube down my throat. It was extremely painful, and i gagged, until they started pumping litres upon litres of water into my stomach through this tube. I gooshed vomit on everyone in the room, and coughed up slime, and I panicked because it was impossible to breathe. Trying to clear my throat made me vomit even more. So I spat up slime into a paper dish, and heaved.
IT took half an hour to remove all the tablets from my stomach, and it was extremely uncomfortable. Then they used the same tube to forcefeed me 3 cups of liquid coal.

After that I had to pee in a potty and get wiped by a nurse in front of six people, which was embarrassing. She washed vomit away from my chest and put me in clean hospital clothes. And then, I was taken to a recovery hall in the ICU ward. I felt a panic attack starting and had to count everything I know about Dorylus ants. Dorylus ants do not eat people. That's just a stupid urban legend. IT helped this time, and I fell asleep. I was so afraid it would be too hard to stay at the hospital.

I stayed there overnight, on glucose IV. The nurses were nice, and it was good, but I hated having to call them whenever I had to use the bathroom. I was feeling terribly vapid. There are IV holes in every limb of my body. Everytime a nurse or an orderly spoke to me, I started crying, so they left me alone.

I discharged myself next morning and refused to speak to a therapist. But that was not good enough for them, so they convinced me to see one in my home. I did, but all I did was crying and swear to take revenge on my mom. I don't know what's happening to me, but everytime people want to talk to me one out of two things happen - I either break down crying like a maniac or say angry, nasty things I don't mean. Sometimes I get so angry the tears just flow and I can't stop it. I'm crying now. And that's why I don't want to talk to anyone ecause all they do is making me upset.

MargaretMcCormick MargaretMcCormick
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2010

yeah people don't like to hear or talk about suicide. I can relate to your story though. Hooray!

yeah people don't like to hear or talk about suicide. I can relate to your story though. Hooray!