I Attempted Suicide When I Felt I Have No Way Out Of The Pain...

Four years ago I was in the 12th year of a relationship with my ex-partner. She decided about a month before my suicide attempt that she wanted to leave me for a married couple. It was devastating. I was so broken down emotionally, mentally and physically that I could not even imagine leaving the house that we all lived in and start moving on.

My ex was so very cruel. She put our bed in the same bedroom as the married couple. When she wanted to have sex with them she would kick me out of the bedroom. Our house was so very tiny that I could hear their sex noises every where in the house. It was so horrible.

After a couple of months of this happening day after day, I finally broke completely. When they shut the bedroom door for their nightly sex I took the keys and left the house. I went to Wal-Mart and bought 300 Tylenol PMs. When I got back to the house, I took them all.

When they were finished and she came out of the bedroom (naked of course), I went to her and asked for a hug. She said I was shaking and wanted to know why I was freaking out. I told her I wasn't freaking out. While she was in the bathroom she figured out what I had done and started screaming at me. She got dressed and grabbed my arm and took me to the hospital.

I do not remember anything for the five days I was in ICU. I was in a coma. Eventually, I woke up and realized what had happened and felt so horrible about it. I still wanted to die but I was so sad that I had hurt my children by doing this.

While I was in the hospital, my ex told our daughters that I did it because I did not think they were worth living for. Ever since then, my girls have refused to talk to me.

Now, 4+ years later and they still believe all the brainwashing that my ex did to them.

I am so sad to not be able to have a relationship with my girls. I hope one day they will forgive me. I hope one day I can forgive myself.

sweetpeafemme sweetpeafemme
Aug 13, 2010