Please Read, I Need Someone To Listen..

Please take your time to read. Please?

I will be brief with what has happened to me.
A guy, few years older, made me do things and filmed me. Without consent.
He sent the video around the school, my life was ruined.. everyday someone would throw food, paper and other items at me. I wasn't safe in public, they followed me. Calling me names. Home wasn't any safer, my mother's boyfriend hurt us, we never could own anything nice... I loved my mother, she loved him more. I could see that finally after 5 years. I was with a boy from age 13 to 17, he is my soul mate. I still love him even though his affectionate love for me has disappeared. I will always love him. My father kept leaving me in my life after we had finally caught up after 5 years, and before that... 5 years old. My father thinks I'm selfish. I try to please everyone, I fail... I just want love from them, a smile.. anything to show they care. I want to feel love, I cry myself to sleep most nights wishing I could die. I hug myself at night, in the shower, anytime I can when I'm alone. Though I am sad and depressed, I am at peace. I've accepted my father not wanting me in his life, my mother not understanding me, my soul mate finding another love, because it makes them happy. I love them and I don't want to hurt them. I'm sad and lonely, it's okay though. I deserve it, I'm worthless. I have attempted suicide 1 time, I took 19 pills that had the affect of becoming tired. I just wanted to sleep forever. I slept almost 2 days, when I woke I felt as though I was drunk.
It doesn't matter though, I punish myself everyday for not being good enough. I cut myself, burn myself etc... If I'm hurting myself, it makes me feel stronger, as if everything is suddenly more tolerable. I will always love him, no one else. I just wish I felt love and that someone would understand.

Thank you for reading. My current age is 17, I will turn 18 in 2013.
These aren't even half of my sad moments in life..
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

hey mate.
i understand, if you EVER need anything, im here okay? message me...ill be here =)

hi my name is Sarah. I know what your going through. Feel free to contact me.