the Doctor Released Me...said I Didn't Really Intend to Die... (???)

From the inside of blackness, I gradually became aware of voices.  They were tinny, far-off-sounding voices; like the people using them were at the end of an extremely long and muffled tube.  I couldn’t recognize a single word in this moment; a moment that seemed to defiantly hover above my chest.  Like enchantingly mischievous and neutral faery-sprites, the moment and voices were gently fluttering just out of my grasp when, crack!  The blackness enshrouding me exploded with abrupt and violent force, taking with it the tube and its padded voices.  A shock of screeching sounds instantaneously sliced through my brain, as if my hearing had spontaneously become inhumanly sensitive.  The small and harmless faraway-voices grew at lightening speed and in beastly proportions, clawing at and piercing my tender ears.  My reflexes hadn’t even been triggered to respond to that assault when:  smack!  Colors!  Flashes!  Pulsating flashes of colors pounding:  RedBlack! Red again….screaming, howling and then:  the black silence returned.


The next time the blackness disappeared, sound and time failed to pause and do their faery-dance beforehand.  I was given no warning before my silent cocoon shattered.  First, there was nothing.  Not even a knowing of blackness.  Then, at once, there was everything.  It was as if, in one instant, every thing had been condensed onto the head of a pin and, without warning, it infinitely expanded at the time-bending speed of light.  Fwack!  There were hands in front of my face!  Bloody palms and fingers!  A sensation of panic!  Urgency!  There were loud voices, reprimands, crying and then:  nothing.


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •


Daniel stood inside a trauma unit at the local Hospital.  Through the rush of people, machines and gadgets, he had been continuously nudged further and further away from me until he was left standing just inside the doorway of the steely room.  From across the space separating us and through the countless nurses and interns darting about, he gawked in stunned silence.  Every word and breath, every drop of his energy was caught in his throat; morbidly lodged just behind his Adam’s apple.  He’d practically been choking on it the entire time he’d been in this room………


He’d gotten a call from one of my neighbors, Mrs. Eapers, not even two hours prior.  She’d said she was concerned because my car was in the driveway but I wasn’t answering the door.  She was an elderly woman and obviously a bit shaken by a world that had become so violent in her lifetime.  She’d had his number from last summer when she’d had him do some carpentry work at her house so, she figured:  “Better to make the phone call and be safe rather than sorry.”  He agreed.  Immediately upon receiving her phone call, he was overwhelmed with an unsettling feeling in his stomach.  He’d learned (the hard way) not to ignore those feelings.  So, he wasted no time in calling the police and asking them to stop by myhouse to check on me.


And, thank God Daniel had learned to trust his instincts!  Officers from the local police department showed up at my door….the front door….the door Mrs. Eapers never used.  Her house was situated directly behind my house and, since I had a back door, Mrs. Eaper’s rarely walked around to the front of the house.  Besides, it wasn’t a door that I ever used myself so she really didn’t think of checking it.  But, when the officers arrived, they found that the front door was wide open.  And, since it was the middle of November, they thought it just might be cause for suspicion.  So they went in. 


Several hours later, I was peacefully lying in the Intensive Care Unit.  I’d spent the sum total of that time falling into and out of consciousness.  For me, though, time had ceased and the only things that existed were periods of nothingness and sudden, dramatic awareness.  So it was in what appeared to be the very next moment to me that my senses seemed to finally return to normal.  I gradually became aware of the gentle hum and purr of natural room-sounds massaging my ears.  I was soothed by the familiar, benevolent droning and relieved to sense that everything was “normal” again.  I felt my lips softly stretch into a drugged and childlike grin.

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 6, 2006

That gave me chills. I know exactly how that is, just seeing someone so disappointed in you. It's like being killed all over again.

That's good story. <br />
<br />
I mentally feel like freaking out. I pray to God to give me the strength to overcome.

Okay... Nicely written, but what happened to put you in the hospital? Did I miss something?

The imagery so vivid recalls the sterile smell and chaos all too well. <br />
I'm glad you didn't ! Ya make me laugh and sad too sometimes! but it's all good.<br />
Dx