Lessons Learned From My Experience

When I was 16, I was very depressed. My boyfriend hated me, my teacher accused me of cheating on a project and my mother, whom I had been close to my entire life, criticized and belittled me for what seemed to be every single moment of my life. I was also in charge of my baby sister most of the time when I wasn't working. For many months, I felt like I was drowning and even though I would pray everyday to feel happy again. Finally one day, after my mother had told me that I had embarrassed the family once again and how could I do that to them, I felt like I had no reason to go on, I thought that surely my mother wouldn't care, neither would my boyfriend or anyone else. That night, as I took a bath, I pushed my head under to finally end it all. While under, I felt a very strong impression, almost like a voice, telling me that I needed to stop, that I had my whole life ahead of me. I pulled myself out of the water and started sobbing. I promised that I would never do that again. That was a little over 3 years ago. To this day, while I have battled depression on and off, I have never thought of commiting suicide ever again. Even when I was humilated time after time by that same boyfriend, even after more rough years of dealing with my mother, I never thought of killing myself again. Looking back, I see how my life has changed and how many things I would have never experienced, had I actually gone through with it. I have seen how much my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ has been strengthen because I've had to rely on the Gospel so much more and how it strengthen that connection and helped me cope with hardships in my life.

Seeing how my life is today, I can see more clearly how utterly blessed I am to still be alive. I know now for a certainty that there is so much out there for me to do and to experience. I guess I could say that since the attempt and more so now, I am thankful for every day that I am alive.

LoraliSophia LoraliSophia
2 Responses Jul 26, 2007

I don't know if I agree with the post by Lucavi but I do agree that depression is horrible and painful, but I am inspired and proud that you have found God and that you are healing :) Continue to pray and strive for the happiness and love that God yearns to bless you with! Your journey is amazing and it's so great to hear that there is hope when all things seem broken. I am having such a hard time recovering from depression and childhood pain but every time I read an amazing story like yours I feel inspired and take another step away from pain, suicide, self-harm, drugs and low self-esteem and another step towards God and all the good things he has in store for me :) I sincerely thank you. You are making a difference and I encourage you to share your story with others who struggle and continue to remain the strong, beautiful and intelligent woman that you are! :) I cannot thank you enough for your inspiration!!!!! <3 Luv4evr -B

Even in the face of grace, life is sweet. You did not attempt suicide. You flirted with the unknown. People do not attempt suicide, they commit suicide. You know how to off yourself, you know at least one, if not more surefire ways. Had you really wanted to kill yourself, you would have. Now I may be an evil, callous, cold bastard, but I do understand how you felt. Depression is a horrible state of being. Next time you feel that way, turn sorrow to hate, anger, and spite. Realize that the longer you pursue and endure, the more you bother your enemies. Revenge is a dish best served alive.