Wanting to Die Most My Life

  I was in 6th grade when I realized that I could actually die at that young age if I wanted to.  My home life and social life at school was horrible.  In 7th grade I came up with the rules of sucide.  I am a by the book kind of guy. 

1. Wait 24 hours after considering sucide.

2. never commit sucide to hurt someone else or out of anger.

3. Never commit sucide where some else maybe hurt or injured.

4. It must be 100% fatal no sloppy attempts.

5. Leave as little mess as possible for those who have to come and clean up after you.

6. Try and not traumatize others with your remains.  Do not leave yourself to be found in a horrific or scary way.

7. This is about you do not leave a note of hate and blame for others to read.  Go out with some dignity.

These kept me alive for a long time.  But 3 years ago I took a lot of pills and ended up in a psyc ward for 3 days.  I still think about it and look at ways to do this.  But now I do believe in a afterlife that will last forever so dying here just means that I will start there sooner and there is no way out of that life.

 

allofus allofus
46-50, M
Mar 19, 2009