I Wanted to Die.

 tried to kill my self several times. The first was when I was in high school and I tried taking one bottle of sleeping pills and another of no-doz. My thinking was the pills would cause my heart to beat so fast it would stop...needless to say it didn't work. I was sick as a dog for days after  and spent a few hours thinking my heart was going to explode. Not a good feeling. The next time I tried again taking a bunch of pills, but this time I was found and taken to the ER. I had my stomic pumped. If you have never had this happen to you, let me tell you it is the WORST. I wanted to die before, even more when it was going on. The last time I tried I slit my wrists and again was found and taken to the ER. Looking back now I feel very sorry for putting my friends who found me and loved me throu that kind of pain. Trying to love someone who hates her self so much that all she wants to do is die is very hard and I was so selfish that I all I could think about was me and my issues. I still wish some times that life was easer and that I wasn't who I am, but after losing some one I loved when he killed him self, I know how much I am hurting the people who care about me, so I try to live, if only for them.
rescueangel rescueangel
26-30, F
12 Responses Feb 12, 2007

sorry to know you went through something such as this. I want to know how did you get through this and are you still feeling the same way? besides the people that was there for you who help, are you seek counceling, how are you coping now

I'm glad u r here

I had my stomach pumped, the worse indeed! I cannot explain the stress I was put through.

I totally get this, I live for others too.

Hi I to have issues around suicide and those issues are still very reall for me I have also had four of my friends successfully commit suicide but where it makes you think about what it would do to your loved ones it makes me want to do it all the more and I dont really understand why. I am glad you was unsuccessful in your attempts coz no matter what I think or feel about myself I still wouldnt want others to die and leave behind the very people that love them and its also selfish of me but reading stories like yours helps me to think clearly, thankyou.<br />
you stay safe

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Yeah, multiple suicide attempts suck. I definitely identify with that.

i too have tried to end it all previously.several times like you,with pills just like you.i too also ended up in hospital in ICU.same thing happened i had my stomach pumped.horrible.<br />
i agree that loosing someone will wake you up.it makes you realise just how much it hurts to loose someone & what you may put others through if you decide to do something along the same lines.<br />
i am sorry to hear that you have felt this way in the past.<br />
i do hope your future will be better for you & i hope your pain goes away<br />
take care sweetiepie

I am glad to know that you are still alive because God has something wonderful in store for you. My daughter ran away not too long ago and she told me she wanted to die in the streets. She is only 15 years old. Please join my group at www.dailystrength.ord( survivors of suicide) so that I can gain a greater understanding of such victims while also completing an educational goal ( masters degree) in counseling studies which will help me to be a more effective counselor.<br />
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thank you = )

Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I believe you have the ability to save many lives each time you do so. There are so many that think they are alone in what they feel and what they are going through and by sharing your story lets them know they are not. I think your awesome :)

Hey hun, I really hope you are well. I myself have attempted suicide as well, and then latter had a friend pass away. Now I live each day prayin that I will awakin to see tomorrow. I am terrified of death but still think of suicide. <br />
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I hope you are doing well, and if you ever need to chat, im here for ya! <br />
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How are you now? You sound like such a ggod person. I hope you will never do anything like that again. I know living in this world feels like hell on earth. Its so hard but I think its all a journey and sometimes a very painful one that we have to walk through. Anyone that can get through it has already served a purpose for being here. We wonder why we were put here. I think its to survive the journey because I think like is a journey not a destination. Nice chatting with you. God Bless!<br />
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cmost