What To Do Now?.....

January 28..... That's when I tried and failed.  What was that?  A couple weeks ago?

I wish I had succeeded.  I really hate living.  I am sure many have asked this, but really what is the point of living?  Tonight my parents found out that I did not do an essay that was due a week ago.  I am now in jeopardy of not graduating.  My dad tried to control his temper but said to me "You know that your mother and I can't pay for college if you don't do the work"  Yes, dad I do know this. thanks for that info.  Then he said to me "It does not get any easier than this"  Well see dad, that's what I'm afraid of.  You mean life doesn't get any easier? what a shock!  why then would I want to continue living in a world that just seems to get even harder the older I get.  Can you answer that question for me. huh?

Back to the incident.... I got home after receiving terrible grades and having an argument with my mom.  I went into the house crying so hard I was gasping for breath.  Not my proudest moment .  I proceeded by collecting many, many pills and then ingested them.  40 mixed pills to be exact.  I expected to either be unconscious for a very long time, become sick, or dizzy, or obviously die.  To my surprise these things did not happen.  The problem is that I don't remember what happened.  It is a complete blur.  My mom not only told me that I acted like a crazy person but she actually followed me around with a tape recorder.  Really?!?! Who does that?  I could not finish watching it because I became so disgusted with myself and then quickly deleted it.  I apparently wandered around the house reorganizing **** and locked my cat in the closet.  I also hallucinated, couldn't stop shaking, and overall acted like a complete whack job.  My mother then took me to the ER to see what was wrong with me.  I waited a couple hours but time seemed to pass much slower to me.  I convinced my parents that I had only taken a few pills and had a freaky reaction to them.  No one has brought it up since.  I suppose I was really lucky to not be found out.  I will not be trying that method ever again.


 To my dear friend 6ftunder:

You may never read this but if you do then I must ask you not to tell anybody.  This is important.  They would pull me out of school and probably put me in some hospital.  Please say nothing.   I am putting all my trust in you...

chemistryd32 chemistryd32
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 12, 2010

ddshaw,<br />
I would love to message with you but I could not get to your profile due to your privacy settings. I hope all is going well for you. *hugs*

Wow I can't imagine how difficult college must be. The high school here in Italy there is no such thing as 'multiple choice and most every thing is done orally and has to be studied every day and that's the first year of it all and the teachers are always telling us college is SOOOO much worse. I am sorry that you ended up in the ER from your attempt. I guess I was lucky I either got sick from the pills or from having gotten drunk or both and vomited it all up. Hopefully your life has improved since the year ago when you tried to die. If you are still having trouble maybe we could message each other and try and get through our difficult situations together.

Don't worry my dear, I will never tell a soul.<br />
Don't ever forget that I love you.