Wounded Angel

The story goes my family started going to church when I was 10.  We did not practice what we learned just went to church and Sunday school.  I went to camp one year and when I came back all the record were gone.  I think that was my first real issue with God.  We moved several times so it was difficult to put roots down in a church.  It seemed every where we went there were gossip and back stabbing and confusion on my part.  I didn't go back except the holidays or father's day but I rejected this union.  Now that I am in my 30's I know it is important.  I have never once doubted that God has a plan for me and He is has decided my path.  I know I have not always taken the path he chose because of fear but I think - NO I know it is time.  I went to a church down the street from me and I like it.  It is the first church that I have gone into that I have not cried in.  Did I tell you any time I go to church I sit there and cry.  Sometimes I have no idea why.  I know I have so much inside of me that it feels like it is going to burst.  No other time do I feel the need to release it except in church.  One day when no one is around I should go and get it over with and maybe I won't look so pathetic crying so much in front of all these strangers that you have to explain everything.  So this brings me to my goal.  I want to build healthy relationships and surround myself with God. This is a very difficult thing for me because I have my guard up.  I took a huge step this week I went to church, not only that but I went alone, my hubby was on call and couldn't go.  I met a very nice woman and her son.  It felt right to be there.  Next week I go to a wedding but the week after I will try again. 
Jenngh9 Jenngh9
31-35, F
Jul 23, 2007