Accept No Substitutes

From smuggling hashish through the Middle East and Europe to prison - involuntary commitment to a State Mental Hospital after being beaten by cops voluntary self-admission to mental hospitals twice countless years of therapy losing jobs all savings family house car pets self respect friends direction home hitting absolute zero terrifying and alienating anyone left who cared about me feeling like god feeling like a genius strolling down from Olympus to set the world straight ultimately lying in a heap of ruins and rebuilding myself like an archeologist rebuilding a temple from shards until at last I discovered that in losing everything I finally had everything I needed to be happy.  Not exactly a stroll in the park, I confess, and I don't recommend it for everyone.  Still in all, I wouldn't change it for the world.
ElLagarto ElLagarto
56-60, M
9 Responses Jun 19, 2007

You've had an interesting life with so many unique experiences. Thanks for sharing. You make me feel better about my life. I have no children and am on my third marriage but it has been a wild ride. My siblings have been in stable marriages, have kids, etc. but don't know what it's like to travel all over Europe or lose everything and start again over and over again like a phoenix from the flames. Godspeed!

I wouldn't change it. I earned my stripes. It gave me an advantage many people don't have. Now it's up to me to make the most of it.

Know that going through all of that gives you so much strength, something that people without bipolar disorder definitely envy. I also agree with WittyOne - by losing everything, you understand the true nature of Value and what it means to you. <br />
I know exactly how you feel when you say you wouldn't change it for the world...I wouldn't either =]

It was very, very scary. I grew up thinking that without all the "props" surrounding me, position, comfort, support of all kinds, I would persish. There was a foundation of fear to me. Only through losing them all - including the unswerving faith in my mind's reliability - did I come to really understand that I had what it took to survive - no matter what. Now I view the "props" with something between disdain and indifference.

"I discovered that in losing everything I finally had everything I needed to be happy" This is a lesson many people without bipolar disorder could use.

Yes, and in the process of doing so, you may discover some wonderful things about yourself, you may also evolve. As lostcancerian points out, you will come to know yourself - and love yourself. The struggle pays astounding dividends.

the battle is hard, the road is long but in the end you will love yourself better if not just for having tried. you will find getting to know who "you" are is one of the most gratifying experiences that you could possible encounter. good luck to you my friend and keep fighting!

Being a Cosmic Jester on occasion myself, it is disturbing to know How much raw pain lies behind that funny mask! Tis why so many,<br />
find clowns terrifying.<br />
I am glad for you. <br />
It is entertaining to think there is a way out of the maze, But then where would I go? hahaha<br />
have a good one!<br />

Wow you made me dizzy : ) Well Im glad you are happy. I hope to one day also find it. My world is still spinning out of control. DAMN THIS BIPOLAR BRAIN!