Only Sex?

Well for those of you that dont know I live with my husband we have been on the rocks for the past 4 yrs.(we have been together for 14 yrs) In that time I have had twins with another man. The other man has just turned so bitter because I keep going back to my husband. Understand Im not in love with my husband or lust for him. I just feel comfortable with him and for the most part safe. Although he would like more than just a room mate with me. But thats all Im willing to give him right now. Its not fair that when he gets close to a girl I go crazy and tear up his stuff or hurt him. And me I have kids with another man and I still have great sex with this other man it makes me feel guilty sometimes but Im addicted to him. Its the best sex I have ever had ever! The other guy is mad at me all the time because he would like me to live with him after all the twins I have from him are only 10 months old and he is missing out on alot. Well on the other hand he works alot sometime sunday thru friday 10 hrs a day somedays. I cant stand being alone. Then I always think he is with some other ***** and not really at work. Which is most likely not true but you cant tell this non medicated brain nothing. So I hate lying to my husband and other kids about where Im going . I just cant tell them I got to go have mind blowing sex. Well yesterday we had a great time having sex Im still sore but I find my self tring to plot the next time I can be with him.  What the F@#% is wrong with me? I love my husband not in love with him. I think that I love my X I just might be obsessed tho?! Not sure. I just dont think he is everything that I need niether is my husband thats why I go back and forth. But Im hurting everyone involved. I dont know what to do sooner or later Im gonna find my self alone Both of these men are going to move on at some point. Its been over two years Ive been playing these games. I just have to do something before it all blows up in my face.
halfgone halfgone
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2007

Unfortunately no one in the world, despite what they will claim, knows what you need and what you have to do. Those answers are within you and you alone. You KNOW what you need and desire and you KNOW what's right and wrong. Getting to the end point where you want to be is the tricky part and that's where friends and advice come into play. But until you make a decision it's difficult to help you other than to encourage you in your decision process.<br />
<br />
With all that said ...<br />
<br />
I hope you will find the courage you need, the inspiration and motivation you need to help you come to a conclusion about your situation and that will help you come to a positive decision about what you need to do to make things 'good' for you and your kids. After all, the most important people in your life are (in this order) #1. YOU (because if you aren't 'right' or healthy how are you going to care for your children?) #2. Your children ... time to show them how to live a decent and rewarding life, eh? You can talk to a kid until you're blue in the face telling them not to do what you do/did ... unfortunately kids learn what they live and will repeat what they've seen in their childhoods even if they know it's wrong. They do this because it's normal to them, comfortable to them, etc. Even if it's NOT normal by society's standards and shouldn't be comfortable to any one (abuse) ... it's 'home' to them. <br />
<br />
I hope you'll give your children a better chance at life, teach them what a good life is like. You have that power within you. I KNOW you do.<br />
<br />
I wish you well...