Bi Polar - An Ongoing BattleI'm so entirely sick of being Bipolar. It's hurting me so very much. I miss being on the meds that work but they are not affordable without medicaid. Over $700 a month!! I went a year + without medications. I started on Lithium a couple weeks ago. I hate it. I feel like when I take it that I get angry and short tempered.
Anyway... The Past.
I started to become extremely depressed in Middle School. My seventh grade year I told a friend I felt like committing suicide. He then told his parents who had me talk to mine. I started going to a counselor. The counselor decided that I cried and said those things to manipulate the situation. In eighth grade I became extremely depressed and this time I attempted Suicide. I went into the psychiatric hospital for five days. While in there, my grandmother told me I was wasting my parents money. After she told me this I acted like I was fine while in there so I could get out. I was diagnosed with depression and they believed I may be re-diagnosed later in life with Bi Polar. I was on different medications throughout high school. I was eventually steady on Lexapro. This medication did pretty well for a while and then just stopped working. In my Junior year I was switched to Prozac. It was fine for a while and then began to cause anger issues. I was short tempered and my set off were extremely intense. I was not steady at all. I got off the medication while I was pregnant and fought the depression by myself and my hormones. I went back on them when I had my son. Again, I had the same issues. My doctor then decided to prescribe Wellbutrin with the Prozac (this was the combination that my mother was on and it was working for her.) Two days later (and after a large number of bad events) I crashed and once again tried to commit suicide. I was put into the new Psychiatric hospital. In the hospital they diagnosed with Bi Polar (type two I think). I was in the hospital for one month. We tried different medications and I had some pretty bad side effects from some. We then settled on Abilify and Lamictal. I was released with these and was seeing a counselor once a week and a nurse practitioner once a month or more. I eventually was on 15mg of Abilify and 150mg of Lamictal. This seemed to be the perfect combination. Unfortunately I lost my medicaid and could no longer afford them. I was fighting the depression by myself for about a year before I just recently got health insurance (this January). I have now been prescribed Lithium. I really wish I were on the Abilify and the Lamictal. I struggle everyday and wish that I weren't bipolar. Will that feeling ever go away?