My 15 Year Battle

I have been battling depression since I was 15 years old. After many years of ups and downs I finally recieved a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder four years ago. After I lost my grandmother, I hit an all time low and was hospitalized with thoughts of suicide. Daily I struggle with anxiety, mood swings, and unexplainable rage.

drumstickgrl drumstickgrl
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 27, 2009

you make some interesting points i am struggling with bipolar disorder and have been all my life i am psychotic so they tell me because of hallucinations but otherr than that i am highly functioning except i am on disability and do not work <br />
it took a lot to quit working i havent worked in lord knows how many years i have given up my dream of going back <br />
i am a workaholic qnyway so i w2ould just make the disorder worse if i went back and school is work so it is the same deal i study on my own languages but the mania s are getting worse the older i get the depressions asw much as i hate the feeling i can deal with better thsn the mania it destroys everything i accomplish in just one high i am rapid cycling i read most people have 8-10 episodes in their lives i go through that in a month it is hard trying to achieve my goals with the moodswings coming so rapidily but they are better that way they dont get a chance to build up into something major life is back on the start over again financially i went through my savings and have to start all over again but in a way it is a challange and i can enjoy watching the money grow and testing myself limiting my spending it is a gosl and i need more structure in my life so i plan the days and try to do something productive each day even if it is burning cds putting music on the mp3 pla<x>yer i try to do the languages but it is hard now i made it a goal to post on ep and another website I found daily affirmations help to keep the moodswings in control

I am bi-polar as well, and have just come out of a suicidal depression within the past month due to an over the counter med I am taking. But I've had several very bad depressions and manic episodes, as well as some minor ones going back to my childhood.<br />
<br />
I can see the patterns more clearly now that I've reached middle age, though I was diagnosed bipolar II in my twenties...that really doesn't fit anymore, my manic episodes are getting more pronounced as I age.<br />
<br />
It also runs in my family, though only my sister and I have been diagnosed and treated, clearly my mother, brother and grandfather had/have it, and my grandfathers brother and father as well. <br />
<br />
It really helps to have someone to be totally honest with about the rage, sadness, not have to edit the feelings..I love to have a therapist, because I can do all that there and not have to put as much on family and friends, who can't really understand why I take things the way I do.<br />
<br />
What are you currently doing to address your situation?<br />
What do you feel would be most helpful to you?<br />
<br />
I work hard to keep my ducks in a row in the rest of my life, so that I am not dealing with too much outer chaos as well as my inner chaos.<br />
<br />
Honestly, as I go on, the depression might kill me...but the manic episodes are more damaging to others, and create more havoc to clean up in my life.

I think the rage comes with it to .<br />
I h ave bipoal but i am schriophine<br />
I was born with it<br />
my mom had it to and so did my dad and the other cousin are come down with it.<br />
my son they say dont have it but i think he does.<br />
it sounds what i have<br />
so good luck and you need to talk to some one i am here