I Can'T Be Getting it.....Right?

I have battled depression for a while now and my body image has never been something I liked. I have always had this dislike, this frustration when it comes to my body. I have harmed myself but never done this. This is the third time I've forced myself to throw up in a month.... What was most frightening was that my mind went blank when I did it. But I know I don't have it, I know I don't.