In Recovery For Three Years

My husband is a recovering alcoholic and addict. I am in recovery for codependency. Our problems weren't over once we entered recovery. He was unavailabl ein so many ways. He is trying to change.I am too. All the things we couldnt really resolve from the past and his inexperience in resolving much issues has put a strain on us and our family. Of course I have issues too. Its hard though because if there is no agreement to an action plan to handle your disputes it tends to go sour at times. With him not having much skill at all , I have to fight off alot of blame and his scapegoating onto me. If I dont watch, he gets me confused. Also, the way he avoids and blame shifts has spilled over onto our kids and they try the same thing. Before his last relapse over the course of 6 awful years, our kids were doing pretty well. They seemed so well balanced. Now that he's in recovery, he hasnt been involved until lately in learning to be involved. I have had to shovel through all th damage it seems by myself.He is trying, I never knew how difficult this could be. I fear we will lose our relatonship before we can identify and resolve the key issues that have kept us divided he seems totally blind to the effects of unresolved issues that has kept our problemms repeating and affecting other parts of our relationship. Anyone.....